Have you ever heard a joke that made you laugh and groan at the same time? I know I have. There's no doubt that dumb jokes are a guilty pleasure of mine, so I decided to put a collection of some of my favorites together for your enjoyment. Here are 7 dumb jokes that'll make you titter and roll your eyes all at the same time:
1. Three Men Are Banished to the Desert
A judge was punishing three men because they had committed a crime. Their sentence was to spend a few years in the desert. The judge said that they could each take one thing with them.
The first guy decides to take an umbrella, so that he can have shade whenever he wants.
The second guy decides to take a water bottle so that he won't get thirsty.
Finally, the third guy decides to take a car door.
The judge asked, "Why in the world would you want to take a car door?"
The man replied, "If it gets too hot, I can roll down the window."
2. Fish and Chips at the Monastery
Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbles across a monastery and requests shelter there. Fortunately, she's just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips she's ever had.
After dinner, she goes into the kitchen to thank the chefs.
She is met by two brothers, "Hello, I'm Brother Michael, and this is Brother Charles."
"I'm very pleased to meet you. I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The fish and chips were the best I've ever tasted. Out of curiosity, who cooked what?"
Brother Charles replied, "Well, I'm the fish friar."
She turns the other brother and says, "Then you must be...?"
"Yes, I'm the chip monk."
3. A Rottweiler Goes to the Vet
A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and has a good look at its eyes.
"Hmm," says the vet, "I'm going to have to put him down"
"Just because he's cross-eyed?" says the man.
"No, because he's heavy," says the vet.
4. An Old Guy Hits the Gym
An old guy was working out in the gym when he spotted a sweet young thing.
He asked the trainer that was nearby,
"What machine in here should I use to impress that sweet thing over there?"
The trainer looked him up and down and said, "I think you should try the ATM in the lobby."
5. Watching Who Wants to Be a Millionaire Is a Bad Idea
A husband and wife are watching "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire," and the husband winks and says, "Honey, let's go upstairs..."
The wife says no, so the husband asks again. Again she says no.
So the husband says, "Is that your final answer?" The wife says yes.
The husband says, "Well, can I phone a friend?"
6. Two Hydrogen Atoms Go to a Bar
Two hydrogen atoms were walking down the street. One says "Dang! I just lost an electron!" The other asks "Are you sure?" The first says, "Yeah, I'm positive!"
A neutron walks into a bar.
Neutron: "How much for a beer?"
Bartender: "For you, no charge!"
7. God Checks Up On Adam and Eve
God creates Adam on the sixth day. After a few weeks, he checks up on His creation. He sees Adam, dejected and sad.
"What is wrong, my son?", says God.
"Well," said Adam, "The Garden of Eden is beautiful, and I want for nothing. And yet... I am lonely and sad."
"Don't be sad, my child. I have just the creation for you. It is named Eve, something known as "woman". She will take good care of you with the utmost patience, sweetness, and forbearance. She will also put up with your bodily sounds, snoring and nights out with your friends. I am sure you will be truly happy then."
Adam says, "That sounds quite nice. But...what is the catch?"
"It will cost you your right arm and your right leg," answered God.
"That's a bit much." said Adam. "What can I get for a rib?"
Images by Deposit Photos.
