A woman who becomes a mother essentially turns into the best and most important thing in someone else's life — her son or daughter — and this role comes with immense responsibility. Add to that all the other tasks that many mothers and women face daily in their families and lives, and you get what's called "mental load" that leads to serious burnout. If you're feeling burnt out and exhausted, and in general, feel like you have to handle much more than one person can do on their own, you may be suffering from burnt-out mom syndrome. Now, we'll show you what exactly causes it, 8 signs that will clarify whether this is really the case, and also what you should do to get back on track and deal with it successfully.
What causes burnt-out mom syndrome?
This syndrome is not a recognized medical issue, but rather a condition where the mother feels emotionally, mentally, and physically drained by the many demands placed on her due to her role as a mother. Marisa Moore, a professional mental health therapist from Brooklyn, explains it like this: "It's the feeling that you're running on fumes, that you're giving so much of yourself that there's nothing left for you. It can creep up on you in a single day, when you realize you're beyond regular tiredness, and the things that used to bring you joy now feel like mere obligations."
This syndrome is much more common today than it used to be, and there are several reasons for that:
Social expectations: The pressure to be the "perfect mom" in the face of all those "perfect moms" on social media causes many mothers to feel like they have to be in control all the time, without ever messing up.
Parenting pressure: Our kids require daily care and attention, and we often need to adjust to their schedules or those of their activities, ensuring they're growing and developing properly — it's a lot of responsibility.
Lack of support: Many mothers don't get the daily support they need, whether from a partner, family, or friends. In the past, mothers often relied heavily on family and neighbors, but today it's less common.
Neglecting healthy habits: If you don’t rest properly at night, everything will be harder, as both the brain and body need to recover fully from each day. Additionally, the body needs physical activity and good nutrition, and if you don’t provide those, every physical and mental task will feel harder.
8 signs of burnt-out mom syndrome
If you're feeling severe burnout, you may notice that you're experiencing several other symptoms that accompany it, including:
1. Guilt: This is the clearest sign of this syndrome because you feel like you're giving 100% to your family but still can't manage to do or achieve everything you're trying to.
2. Chronic exhaustion: No matter how much you sleep, you feel as if you're always tired and need to lie down and rest.
3. Pain: This can include frequent headaches or even pain in other areas of the body, which stems from stress. The more stressed you are, the more frequently the pain attacks.
4. Changes in appetite: You may have started eating more as a way to cope with the stress you're experiencing, or on the other hand, you've almost entirely lost your appetite.
5. Prone to illness: If you find yourself getting sick more often, it's because your immune system is weakened due to the exhaustion and stress you're experiencing.
6. Everything feels harder: Even small tasks feel gigantic because your mental load is already overflowing.
7. Irritability: It's easy for you to snap at your partner or kids because you're emotionally drained and struggling to keep calm.
8. Emotional detachment: Sometimes you may feel emotionally detached from your partner, your children, or even yourself. This is when your emotional load becomes so high that it creates a sort of short-circuit in your emotions, and they shut off completely.
How does burnt-out mom syndrome affect you?
It's important to understand that while this is not a recognized medical syndrome, like depression or anxiety, it has real consequences on your health and mental well-being. If left unaddressed, it can indeed lead to depression and anxiety. Additionally, as you might have already realized, it can take a toll on your physical health. Moreover, when you're exhausted, it's harder to be present in your relationships and family, which can lead to issues in the family dynamic and at home. It can also affect your ability to be a fully engaged mother, as it's easier to turn into a "zombie mom," lying in bed and staring at your smartphone instead of actively participating in your children's lives.
How to deal with burnt-out mom syndrome?
First of all, don’t feel bad about how you've reacted and dealt with the problem until now, or even the fact that you're experiencing exhaustion. On the contrary, you should feel good about yourself because it only means you're truly doing all you can and working as hard as possible for your family and children. To keep doing so without hurting yourself, here are a few tips to remember and act on:
Take time for yourself
Find time each day for self-care and give yourself at least 15 minutes each day — in the morning or evening, before the kids wake up or after they go to sleep. It could even be having a quiet cup of coffee or reading a book you've wanted to read for a long time but haven't felt you had time for. This isn't indulgence — you owe this to yourself.
Ask for help
If you haven’t yet turned to your spouse and asked for help with household chores or the kids, now is the time. This is especially true if you work full-time because you can’t do everything alone, and the kids and the house shouldn’t fall solely on your shoulders. If this isn’t possible for one reason or another, ask for help from another family member who can assist.
Set boundaries
Remember, it's perfectly fine to say "no," and you don’t have to do everything for everyone. Let go of the idea of being a "perfect mom" — there's no such thing. There are things you can let go of even in parenting, and it won’t make you a worse mom. It will only make you a healthier and more whole mom, and that's what your kids really need.
Seek therapy
Sometimes the most helpful thing is to talk about the feelings you're experiencing and the problems you're facing, and it can heal the soul if you do it with the right person. A professional therapist can help you understand your emotions, deal with feelings of guilt and exhaustion, and provide you with techniques to neutralize the symptoms you're experiencing.
Talk to other moms
You’d be surprised to learn how common your problem is and that many other mothers are experiencing exactly the same thing. Once you realize this, everything changes, as everything becomes easier when you don’t feel alone. So join a mom group on Facebook or talk to other moms you know, and you can exchange tips that will help you deal with the exhaustion you experience daily.
Try mindfulness and relaxation techniques
Even in small doses, relaxation and mindfulness techniques can help relieve the emotional and mental burden you're carrying. If you feel like your heart is about to burst, try breathing exercises to help bring back the balance you need, and if you just don’t feel like yourself anymore, try writing down your feelings and turning your emotions into words — it will help you understand yourself much better.
