A happy marriage requires commitment and dedication from both partners, but married life does not exist in a vacuum. There is also a career, children, financial obligations and relationships with other family members and friends, and all of them can affect the balance created in the couple's relationship. So how do you save a marriage when it already looks like it's going to fall apart? Today you will learn 8 pieces of advice from experts and relationship counselors, as well as some cases in which you should let go and end this chapter in your life. Some of these may already be known to you, but just like with anything else, it's remembering all these things and giving them your best effort that really makes things happen.
8 tips to save the marriage
Before starting, one important thing should be noted - your spouse must be a partner in this process, because it will not be possible without their awareness and investment of some effort on their part. Here are some things to make sure:
- You both understand that there is a problem in the relationship.
- You both understand that you each have your own role in the problem.
- Both of you maintain a certain level of respect and love for each other and prevent the relationship from becoming one where one abuses the other.
- You have more good times than bad with each other.
- Both of you are willing to put in the effort required to save the marriage.
1. Work on intimacy to create a deeper physical and emotional connection
Our lives are all busy and we are all busy, and it is very easy to fall into a certain routine and forget to be attentive to the needs of our spouse. However, intimacy in marriage is necessary for maintaining a healthy relationship. Give thought to things that can make your sex life more interesting and exciting. A healthy sex life is one of the keys to a successful marriage, and successful couples usually make an effort to maintain it
2. Talk to each other often, effectively and with conscious intent
Communication is also an important key to the success of a marriage, and most couples simply need to work on their communication. This is one of the necessary elements for a deep and long-lasting relationship, and there is no shortage of guides to help you understand what you might be doing wrong and how to improve communication between you.
You can start by talking to your partner openly about your interests, dreams, goals and feelings, or simply about what frustrates you, just don't forget that communication is not only talking, but also listening. In addition, encourage your partners to share with you everything they hesitate to tell other people - you are there for each other, among other things, to have a person in your life to whom you can tell everything and know that he will always love you and support you.
3. Make sure to spend quality time together
Try to identify whether the time you spend together is indeed of high quality and whether you even spend enough time together. One of the worst things you can do to your relationship is to forget to be together, so don't let your busy life make you forget to go out together in the evenings or just do certain things together. Remember that you got married to live together and achieve your ambitions together. Even if your time is limited, you can always dedicate one evening a week to each other and give your relationship priority over other things that are required of you. It could even just be watching a movie or series together on the couch - just something you'll do together, just the two of you
4. Be forgiving and do not hold grudges against each other
Forgiveness is a solution that helps fix many problems in marriages that are facing failure, and letting go of resentment will only cause more fights. Forgiveness has a lot of power, especially if you use it quickly and don't wait too long, and it's a gift you give not only to your spouse, but also to yourself. Resentment, on the other hand, will eat you up from the inside, drain you of many resources that you can devote to more important things, including your relationship, and it will rob you of energy and health - you're better off without it.
5. Don't always try to be in control
Couples in healthy marriages respect each other and do not try to demand that each other do things their way. Every successful relationship is built on the idea of give and take, which allows each of the partners to have the space they need to be the person they want and need to be. If you are too bossy, you will make your partner unhappy, which will ultimately only hurt your relationship and your marriage.
6. Rekindle romance and passion
It happens to everyone - the passion that was there at the beginning of the relationship slowly fades, so it is important to keep its flame lit. Surprise your partner with a spontaneous date, leave each other love letters, or simply reminisce together about the days when you were younger. These small gestures will keep the flame of passion and romance burning and remind you both of why you fell in love with each other in the first place
7. Set common goals for yourselves for the future
A strong relationship is based on goals and dreams shared by both partners. Sit down with your partner and talk about your goals, whether they are related to finances, family, career or personal development. By setting common goals, you can strengthen the relationship that exists between you and make sure that you both move in the same direction - something that is very important in a healthy and long-term relationship.
8. Consider seeking professional advice
If you both want to save the marriage and are making the necessary efforts, but still feel that something is not working and that you cannot stop thinking about divorce, it is time to look for a marriage counselor who will help you understand what you are doing wrong and how to improve the situation. Sometimes all you need is an outside perspective from a professional to give some good advice on things you may not have considered or thought about
How do you know that the marriage is worth saving?
A marriage that has a certain problem is not necessarily a failed marriage, and even the most successful couples may encounter difficulties at one point or another. It is usually possible to solve the problems if both spouses are willing to improve their life together, but nevertheless, there are some cases that show that separation and divorce may indeed be the required solution, and here are a few examples
1. Betrayal
There are very few things that can make your partner feel disrespected to the level that cheating leads to. An affair is not that rare, and studies show that 10-15% of women and 20-25% of men cheat in a relationship. Many couples overcome such an incident, but the effect of the betrayal can last for a long time and cloud the relationship, especially if it is not treated with the help of couples counseling. In most cases it is very difficult to forgive infidelity, and most couples divorce because of it
2. Abuse
Every married couple will argue at some point, sometimes with excessively loud tones or in a very offensive way. This is normal for any two people who have been living together for a long time, but there is no place in marriage for physical or emotional violence, and if they do come into the picture there is no way to justify it.
3. Neglect
Persistent neglect can be just as horrible as physical abuse, and is actually a form of mental abuse. If your spouse doesn't pay you any attention and doesn't even have regular conversations with you, you need to reevaluate your marriage and ask yourself if it's healthy for you to be a part of.
4. Control
We all have a need and desire to express ourselves, set personal goals for ourselves and feel that we are unique people with our own dreams and achievements in life. If one partner is always telling the other what he should do or think and what he shouldn't do or think, this is a sign of a problem, and if it doesn't go away, divorce should be considered in order to get the freedom you deserve.
A few words in conclusion
To save the marriage requires a joint effort of both partners, and you cannot do it alone. The problem must be identified and dealt with accordingly, and it is not always as difficult as you might think - in most cases it just requires you to devote more time and attention to each other. However, there are times when the effort is not worth it, as the relationship only does bad and brings out negative sides on both sides. You can seek counseling if both partners are willing to recognize their role in the problem and deal with it together, or decide that this relationship is not the right thing and divorce.
