1. Highlight the things that make them feel insecure
Self-esteem and confidence reflect how we perceive ourselves, and while most of us build these qualities internally, a narcissist gains them from external sources and other people. Narcissists need others to reinforce their self-confidence and self-esteem, and if they don’t get that from you, they’ll lose their power over you.
So first, don’t compliment them or let them fish for positive words from you. Second, to truly outsmart them, you need to undermine their confidence by finding something that makes them feel insecure. For instance, perhaps the narcissist in front of you doesn’t like their nose—stare at it, and when they ask why you’re looking at them like that, say something like, “Your nose looks a bit crooked” or “Your nose is a bit large compared to your face.” This will immediately neutralize their power over you and make them realize that you’re not the source for boosting their self-esteem.
2. Play dumb
To make the narcissist lose interest in you, you need to appear to them as the most boring person in the world, which will deprive them of the dopamine rush they get from your reactions to their actions. Narcissists are addicted to the dopamine they receive from others, whether through negative actions like teasing or seemingly positive actions like showering you with love and gifts to make you feel grateful and, literally, their prisoner.
If you show them that their teasing doesn’t go over your head or that the gifts they give you are unnecessary or meaningless to you, they’ll see you as a boring person not worth their effort, and they’ll gradually understand that investing in you won’t yield the results they want.
3. Don’t give them money
Narcissists don’t just want to gain a sense of self-worth from you; they often want your money too, and the problem is that they feel entitled to it. They are naturally lazy and find it easy to use others as their wallets. So instead of giving them more and more, decide that you won’t let them exploit you anymore, and don’t give them even a single penny for any purpose.
For instance, if the narcissist you work with claims they’re starving and forgot to bring themselves a snack to work, don’t offer to do them a favor and give them money to buy something. Simply say it’s a shame and remind them that they won’t die if they don’t eat a snack in the next hour—because that’s the truth.
4. Gather evidence to challenge their claims
Narcissists feel they have high social status and believe they’re above others in many aspects of life. They have inflated and unrealistic egos, seeing themselves overly positively. For instance, they might think they’re smarter than others, even if they’re not, or believe they look better than others, even if they have an average appearance. They might even tell others they have an important role at work, despite being a cashier at a store or a coffee shop.
So to beat the arrogant narcissist, gather evidence that proves they’re lying to others and themselves. For example, if they think they’re smarter than you on a certain topic, ask them about it and then look up the real answer on Google together—in most cases, you’ll manage to prove them wrong. If in another case they try to make you feel their job is better than yours, ask to compare pay slips and check who earns more. However, make sure you’re confident they’re wrong—if you prove otherwise, that they’re right, it will only hurt you.
5. React unexpectedly
Do you know why narcissists work so hard to diminish those around them? Because it makes them appear bigger and more important than they are, and when competing with someone else, it’s easier for them to sabotage their efforts than to increase their own. One way they do this is by humiliation, reducing the status of the person in front of them, which is why they tell many offensive jokes and make hurtful remarks.
So instead of overreacting and getting angry or upset at their words, if they call you “stupid,” for example, play along as if you’re truly stupid—knock your hand on your head and say, “Oh yes, I’m so dumb” in an exaggerated act, and you’ll see the narcissist’s surprised reaction, as they didn’t expect such a sarcastic response from you.
6. Give them what they want, then take it all back
If you want to beat the narcissist at their game and teach them a real lesson, try playing by their rules for a while knowingly. Show them that you’re impressed by them, compliment them, and let them feel that you admire them. Your goal is to become one of their main sources of dopamine. After a while, stop giving them all of that and crush them with silence, disinterest, and an attitude showing you don’t care about them at all. Watch them crumble internally as they lose what they were used to getting from you.
7. Train yourself to not care
Over time, dealing with a narcissist will drain a lot of your energy, and what will protect you is simply training yourself to not care about them. Once you do that, you’ll see that anything they do simply won’t affect you, and all the accusations, dramas, and hurtful words that come out of their mouth will flow like water around you without touching you.
You won’t need to try and decipher their true motives or attempt to fix their behavior—it just won’t matter to you. Remember, a narcissist doesn’t truly care about you but about themselves, so do the same for yourself. If necessary, choose to completely ignore them without explaining why—you don’t owe them any explanations.
A few final words
It’s not uncommon to feel a lack of closure or a sense of injustice after interacting with a narcissist. To beat them at their own game, you need to learn the rules they play by. While you’ll never be able to change them—because they don’t want to change—you can teach them an important lesson: that messing with you isn’t worth it. You can click here to learn more tips on handling narcissists and how to identify the type of narcissist you’re dealing with.
