In any relationship, the expectation is usually the same - we expect to give and receive love, care, and support. The problem is that sometimes and unintentionally, partners tend to emotionally manipulate the other side of the relationship, usually because of moments of heightened sensitivity or as part of a defense mechanism that brings us back to the problems we experienced in the past and the ways we dealt with them.
When one of the partners in a relationship is easily hurt when told about their faults, they may refuse to accept these comments. To help open them up to criticism and improve their attitude toward us, it is highly recommended to know the 8 manipulation techniques that are sometimes used by overly sensitive people and recommended ways of neutralizing the situation.
If you critique your spouse and they turn the tables and somehow put the blame on you, they’re probably doing it out of guilt and anger, so it's highly recommended that you remain calm and not surrender to the same urge. Calmly remind your partner that they are adults who should be responsible for their behavior and that the things you’re bringing up are things that you also refrain from doing yourselves. You had no intention of insulting them, your only intent was to provide constructive criticism.
Children learn very quickly that when they cry they get attention, but they don’t always get what they want. However, if a child grows up getting whatever they want just by crying, they carry this behavior into adulthood thinking they can achieve the same results just by giving into their feelings.
Your spouse can become a “victim” when they try to avoid responsibility, so you should remind them in a calm tone what you expect them to do instead of giving in to their whims. Be aware that playing the victim shouldn’t be confused with the exposure of honest feelings that require support, in which the spouse will usually work cooperatively and not feel that you are against them or feel the need to be defensive.
When a person asks you a question and expects a certain answer, they will often urge you to answer it without giving you time to think. Psychologist Preston Nee, who has written books on effective communication between people, recommends not making a decision in such a situation but asking for time to think about the request or question. If your partner is still urging you to answer, keep telling them you’ll think about it later and that you promise to give them an answer, or set a time range in which you’ll provide an answer.
When people hold a discussion or debate and they run out of arguments, they raise their voices to sound smarter or more right. Sometimes such a situation leads to speaking in angry and shouting tones, and when this happens it is highly recommended that you calmly emphasize to them how unreasonable their words are. It is very important that you do so calmly so as not to further aggravate your partner, and try to get them back to the relevant topic of conversation that you were talking about. If your spouse continues to get annoyed and refuses to listen, you may want to end the conversation and return to it later, when they are calmer.
There are two types of people who find it difficult to recognize problems that aren’t theirs. The first type is people who find it difficult to develop feelings of empathy and sympathy towards the person speaking to them, therefore making it difficult for them to understand the severity of the other person’s problems. The second type is people who tend to associate the problems they hear with the problems they’re experiencing or have experienced in the past, and thus divert the conversation to talk about their problems.
Unfortunately, there are not many ways to handle this situation effectively, except to reveal your feelings about this issue. If your spouse is indeed open to understanding you, they will try to make an effort to listen to your problems and support you. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case, and sometimes you’ll have to find another person who can support you as you need
Often, suicide or self-harming threats are attempts at emotional blackmail. It is very difficult to ignore such threats because there is always the fear that your partner will really hurt themselves, but it is important to remind yourself and them that you are not responsible for their bodies, but rather they are. Remember that in most cases this is only a threat, but if the situation is severe and the threat may indeed materialize, it is possible that the intervention of a mental health professional is required.
If your spouse "forgets" that they said something in the past or don’t remember that you ever asked them for anything, they may be pretending but at the same time, it could be that their memory really is foggy. Of course, in such a situation you may doubt your memory too, but if you’re sure of yourself, stand behind your words and don’t give in. Insist that you remember the situation in detail and even bring up additional memories related to it to help your partner refresh their memory, or at least to help them understand that they aren’t remembering the situation like you are. Here, too, like the other tips, it is highly recommended to do so calmly and not give in to anger.
A lack of trying to understand what is being said is a trick of children who don’t want to do what they are asked to do, and some people continue to use this trick even in adulthood without even noticing because they got used to it. There are many ways to cope in such a situation with children, however, when it is done by an adult the approach is slightly different. First, try changing your wording when asking or explaining something. Second, you can turn the tables and say that you don’t understand what isn’t understood, and then repeat yourself slower, of course in a calm and positive way.
