What is actually love in a romantic relationship, and how can it be defined? It is almost impossible to explain it comprehensively and accurately, especially when we try to analyze relationships in which we are involved. Since love is such a vague concept, sometimes we do not recognize situations where it is absent, at least not in a way that can provide us with all the things we really need from a good relationship. Additionally, in most cases, partners who give "fake love" are not aware of it, and as far as they are concerned, they love the other person in the relationship with all their heart. So how can one still identify relationships where fake love prevails? There are various suspicious signs, such as the 8 detailed below. If a large part of them characterizes your relationship, you should ask yourself whether this is the type of love you deserve to receive...
1. Expression of love only on social networks and in the presence of others
The pursuit of the perfect couple photo for social media publication is often the result of low self-esteem and a need for validation from the environment. When this has too large a part in your life, every outing to a restaurant or vacation at a hotel is accompanied by the need to take photos while hugging and looking like the most perfect couple in the world. While this is an issue that should be changed, it is not directly related to the sincerity of love in the relationship. Problems start when this behavior characterizes only situations of outings outside the house and hanging out with friends. If your partner does not show affection and intimate closeness when you are alone, it could be that they are measuring the "success" of your love and relationship in the wrong way. They may invest in the relationship only to receive reinforcement from the environment or think that the number of likes and comments from others is a sign of being in a successful relationship.
2. Dry and meaningless conversations
When true love exists between two people, they have no problem opening up, showing curiosity towards each other, and demonstrating vulnerability to each other, which often leads to deep conversations, sharing significant events from the past, and more. If in your relationship such events rarely happen, most of your conversations are about daily matters, and you do not feel sufficient interest in your life and thoughts beyond that, you should try to understand why. There are cases where people find it difficult to do this because they have a closed personality or low self-esteem, but sometimes it is a sign that the other person in the relationship simply has no interest in who you are. If deep and personal conversations that you try to develop do not lead anywhere consistently, you should talk honestly about the frustration this situation causes you and try to find out the reason behind it.
3. Unusual desire to change personality and habits
A unique dressing style, dishes on the table, being late to meetings, listening to a certain type of music, all these can be habits and traits that couples argue about regularly. In a relationship based on flawed foundations, during these arguments, one side usually tries to change the things they do not like about the other, in a way that expresses an expectation of change and sacrifice that serves only them. In practice, this behavior means an expectation for the partner to adapt to a certain ideal, which is sometimes unrealistic, because the needs of one side are more important than the needs of the other and the relationship itself. This could be a big warning sign that the person feels fake love towards the other side and does not understand that their demands serve only them, which directly relates to the next sign...
4. No joint effort to find solutions to common problems
True love does not solve all the arguments in a relationship, but it allows both sides to communicate and work together to find ways and compromises that make it easier to deal with various problems. One of the reasons for this is that there is a mutual understanding that the responsibility for solving the problem does not lie solely on one side. If your partner refuses to accept this statement and prefers to ignore problems and repeat certain arguments over and over, it is natural that you will feel that this behavior expresses a lack of care for your needs and feelings. Over time, your feelings may grow stronger and worsen - do not ignore them, because a person who is not willing to work alongside you to help ease the atmosphere in the relationship is likely a person who does not feel a strong commitment to it.
5. There is always something more important than couple time
When love in the relationship is not strong and true, there is always something more important to one of the sides than spending quality couple time. From the affected side, it will seem as if the avoiding side always has flimsy excuses and that things are never up to them but to a third party that is easy to blame to avoid responsibility. Although canceling plans is sometimes an inseparable part of life, when there is strong love in the relationship, both sides always work together to compensate for such cases. Remember that quality couple time in a strong relationship is not always about going out to fancy restaurants or hanging out with friends, but also a quiet evening of shared activities, a joint walk around the house, and more.
6. Unusual preoccupation with previous relationships
Many of us have a significant ex-partner from the past, someone who is hard to let go of no matter how hard we try. However, in a relationship where there is real and significant love, there is usually no reason to dwell on them often. When the thoughts of the person you are with are focused on past love, they will constantly compare you to it, bring it up in conversations with you, and are likely to feel regrets about the circumstances that led to the breakup with them. If you see and feel that this affects communication and feelings between you, it is a sign that the person you are with is still entangled with love for past relationships. Until they manage to break free from it, the love that prevails in your relationship will not be mutual in its strength and quality, and this situation may lead to arguments and very bad feelings.
7. You do not have shared plans for the future
In a deep and meaningful relationship, the shared future is a topic that must come up sooner or later - if the need to discuss it comes only from one side, it is likely that the intentions of the other side are not the same, even though they are sure they feel real and deep love. The shared plans are not necessarily big things like getting married, having children, and moving to a new place after retirement, but also smaller things like family trips or planning big holiday meals. If your partner never brings up ideas for such plans, it could be that they have no long-term interest in the relationship and are simply living with you from day to day and out of habit.
8. Excessive preoccupation with things meant to impress others
We all love to impress our surroundings and share positive experiences with friends, but some people focus on this too much. If this comes at the expense of things related to your relationship or if the focus on this subject is too significant, it is a very suspicious sign. This focus is expressed, for example, in that the partner dresses especially elegantly for outings, insists on hanging out at the most expensive and luxurious places, spends a lot of time documenting and sharing the outing (as presented at the beginning of the article), and more. In such cases, you should ask yourself whether the main point of the outing is quality couple time, or if the relationship is just a means to achieve some status and participation in certain events for your partner. If you think they lean towards the second option, it is a clear characteristic of fake love.
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