Want to Forget Unwanted Memories? These Tips Can Help

By: Bhavesh B.

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The human mind is like a maze, filled with countless experiences and emotions. Some memories bring us joy and comfort, while others can be a source of ongoing distress.

Unwanted memories have a way of sticking with us, impacting our daily lives and emotional well-being. They cling to us due to their intense emotions, making them difficult to shake off. Research shows that memories tied to strong emotions like fear or sadness are particularly resilient because the brain deeply processes them. While this resilience is a survival mechanism meant to help us avoid danger, these persistent memories can become overwhelming burdens.

We all long to forget these unwanted memories, driven by the hope of finding peace and freedom. While completely erasing memories remains a concept reserved for science fiction, understanding how memories are formed offers potential strategies to reduce their impact.

In this article, we'll discuss a few valid practical techniques for managing and lessening the influence of unwanted memories. We hope that by doing so, we will pave the way toward a happier and more fulfilling life.

1. Figure out what triggers your unpleasant memories

Figuring out what brings unwanted memories to mind is the first step. Pay attention to what you're feeling, seeing, or hearing when these memories pop up. Writing about these things in a journal can help you understand them better. When a memory you wish to forget appears, take a moment to think about what triggered it. Was it something you saw, smelled, or a situation you were in? Once you know what makes the memory come back, you can either try to avoid those things or learn ways to calm down when they happen.

2. Reflect on the positives of those memories

It's hard to make bad memories go away completely. Research says that finding the positive meaning of negative memories can help, but it's not right for everyone, especially if the memory is really upsetting.

Hard times can teach us things and help us grow. When you think about a bad memory, try to find something good in it. Did you learn something new? Did something positive come out of it?

Let’s say you had an argument with your son or daughter when you were out. Try to remember the happy moments you shared before the argument. Focusing on the good times can help you feel less upset, even though the upsetting thing happened.

3. Try exposure therapy

Exposure therapy is a type of treatment that helps people with PTSD, especially those who have flashbacks or nightmares. With a therapist's guidance, people can safely face things that remind them of their trauma. This helps them learn to cope better.

One way to do exposure therapy is by thinking or talking about the upsetting event repeatedly. In some cases, therapists may suggest going to places that have been avoided due to PTSD. Studies have shown that exposure therapy works better than other treatments for reducing PTSD symptoms.

4. Substitute your negative memories with a positive one

You can try to swap out negative memories with positive ones by redirecting your focus to a happy memory when a negative one pops up. It's like hitting the brakes to avoid danger. This technique can rewire your brain. When a distressing memory comes up, consciously shift your thoughts to a happy memory. Doing this consistently can gradually weaken the emotional impact of the negative memory, making it less overpowering.

Eventually, the positive memory becomes more dominant, promoting emotional resilience and well-being. This approach, based on cognitive-behavioral therapy principles, can be a helpful tool for handling negative memories.

5. Forgive yourself, out loud

Many memories we wish to forget are often linked to feelings of regret or guilt about our actions or inactions. These memories can be particularly painful because we replay them, criticizing our past selves. To break this cycle, try verbally forgiving yourself. Acknowledge your feelings and mistakes openly. For instance, you could say, "I forgive myself for not being there for my mother sooner when she was ill." This simple act can be surprisingly liberating.

6. Create new memories

One way to lessen the impact of old memories, especially those you've already thought about and changed your feelings on, is to make new memories in the same place or around similar things. Do things that are similar to the old memory but are happy and fun. For example, if you had a bad time in a city, go back there and do different things. Or, if you can't go back, visit a nearby place. Make new memories to help you forget the old ones. If a smell reminds you of someone you don't like, try smelling different things to replace that smell in your mind. Also, try doing new things and meeting new people to help you move on.

7. Let go of the memory with a mental ritual

One way to try to forget something is to imagine it going away. Think about the part of the memory you want to forget and make a mental picture of it. Next, pretend to burn this picture in your mind. Watch as the picture slowly disappears. You can also try changing the memory into something funny or quirky. For example, imagine the person who hurt you emotionally as a silly animal. Some people may not find this effective, as old memories never truly disappear from the brain.

Related: Is a Loved One Dealing with Trauma? Here’s What You Can Do

8. Talk with a therapist

If you're struggling to let go of a bad memory and it's upsetting you, consider talking to a therapist. They can help you work through your feelings about the memory and find ways to cope. A therapist can also identify things that might trigger the memory and teach you how to handle them better.

Sources: Verywell Mind, wikiHow, MedicalNewsToday, Live Science, The New York Times, Popular Science