Byron Katie is an American writer and lecturer who has developed a simple and practical way to improve life by identifying and controlling the thoughts that arouse endless anger, suffering, stress, and frustration. It all began when Byron was a woman in her 40s, married a second time, and developed severe depression that led to an addiction to food and harmful substances, and even anxiety from crowded places.
From the great suffering in her life, she succeeded in extracting the insights and forces that led to enlightenment that changed not only her life, but also the lives of many others. The method that Byron has developed and distributed is called "The Work", and the way it changes the way people think is simply inspiring...
Despite the accepted view that reality is an arbitrary and uncontrollable thing that can be accepted by us only in one predictable way that corresponds to the size of the objective happiness or suffering that exists at that moment, Byron argues that we do not experience reality itself but the thought we have formulated for it.
This successful writer found that what had made her depressed for many years was not the world she had experienced, but what she believed about it, which led her to conclude that thoughts could only hurt us if we believed in them. She, therefore, developed “The Work" method, which is actually a guide to identifying, exploring and reversing unwanted thoughts that cause pain and stress and strengthening the understanding that suffering is a matter of choice.
Since “The Work is a method that needs to be practiced, it is advisable that you complete the process in writing and prepare yourself a worksheet:
Although we do not always want to be judged, we do it to others and to ourselves all the time. The judicial part of our head is always active with thoughts like: "He needs to quit smoking," "I have to be thinner," "My mother needs to understand me," and so on. With the “The Work method, we can express that judicial part in its full force and give freedom to those thoughts. Because judgment is the first stage of thinking in which we experience pain or stress, we must investigate it. In order to fulfill the following statements, maintain silence and inner contemplation, much like a meditative experience.
Fill in the following statements:
Statement 1:
In this situation, place and time, who angered, confused or disappointed you, and why?
Close your eyes and imagine the same situation in which you were angry and hurt and the person who aroused the same feelings in you, and then try to identify why you were so angry or hurt. For example, imagine a situation in which you are angry at your spouse because they have not listened to you or have lied to you. What did you believe and what were your thoughts at that moment?
Statement 2:
In the same situation in which you mentioned in Statement No. 1, how did you want that person who aroused strong feelings in you to change, and what did you want them to do?
If we return to the example of a situation in which we were angry with our partner, the answer to Statement 2 may be that we wanted the partner to listen to us and be honest or apologize to us and admit that they lied to us.
Statement 3:
In that angry state, what advice would you give to the person from whom you are hurt?
Close your eyes and imagine the person who makes you feel angry or hurt and try to examine the advice you want to give them. In the example of the spouse, the answer to the statement may be that the person should thank us for trying to help and apologize to us.
Statement 4:
In order for you to be happy in the same anger-arousing state you are in, what would you need that person to say, feel or do?
Statement 5:
What did you think of that person in that same situation?
Back to your partner's example, we may fill the list with thoughts that our partner is cold, arrogant, careless, and so on.
Statement 6:
What was the situation that upset you, which you do not want to experience again?
Each part of the statements you wrote in the first part of the method will be investigated with four questions. The process is not about changing your thoughts but about opening up your heart. Once you have read the questions, look inside yourself and wait for an answer to come to mind.
Question 1: Is this the truth? The answer should be yes or no. If you answered no, go to Question 3.
Question 2: Can you be sure that this is the truth? Answer yes or no.
Question 3: How do you react and what happens when you believe that thought?
Question 4: What kind of person will you become without those thoughts?
For demonstration purposes, if we want to apply the transition to the 4 questions about statement number 1, with the example we brought about the feeling of anger towards our partner, it would look like this:
Question 1: Does my partner really not listen to me?
Question 2: Can I know with certainty that they listen? Do I sometimes listen when someone thinks I'm not?
Question 3: Do I react to my partner with contempt, rolling my eyes, or distancing myself, when I feel that they are not listening to me? Am I punishing them with a reaction against loneliness and the like as soon as I feel it? - Fill in the list in full.
Question 4: What kind of person will you become if you live without the thought that your partner is not listening to you? Close your eyes and imagine the feelings that will come up in you.
Change your original statements and refer them to yourself - translate the words "he", "she" or "they" into "me". Instead of thinking, "My partner isn’t listening to me," change the statement to "I do not listen to myself / others" or "I need to listen to my partner more." Other example options are "I need to be more honest", "I have to thank myself for trying to help" and so on. Try to think of examples in which you do not listen to others, have to be more sincere or express gratitude, and consider which of the contrary statements are experienced as being more correct, as we felt toward our original statement.
The turning point is the way to extricate ourselves from the position of the helpless victim and to understand that we are not dependent on people or other situations to feel joy, peace, satisfaction or meaning. The power of thought in formulating our emotion is fully experienced by the reversal of creation. Reality is as it is and we can't control it in most cases, but what we experience is not reality, but the interpretation we give it, and it is changeable, not forced or artificial, but through deep introspection and finding identification and logic behind all the different emotions.
Byron Katie's method of practice begins on paper and may feel a little tedious in the initial stages. The advantage of this method is that the simplicity of the structure it presents will help you learn how to practice it automatically, as time passes, without necessarily having to write your answers down. Do not be deterred by any stage in the process and especially not by the final turning point, because you will be surprised to discover some insights and peace of mind you may get from it. Most importantly - persist in the “The Work" method - personal growth never stops
