Most of us have at least one irrational fear - fear of spiders, fear of the dentist, fear of heights. For most people, such fears are meaningless, but when fear becomes real it can cause anxiety and stress that can affect our daily functioning.
No matter how uncontrollable or paralyzing fear-based thoughts are, it is very important to know that they can be overcome. To help you deal with your irrational fears, here are five ways you can free yourself and start living the fear-free life you want.
Being afraid in dangerous situations is a healthy and even beneficial thing, with the automatic fear mechanism causing us to act in one of three ways: fight, flight, or freeze. When our brain and body are ready for a frightening event, we are able to react quickly and protect ourselves. For example, it is perfectly natural to be deterred and afraid of a Doberman, on the other hand, being afraid of a Chihuahua is an irrational fear. There are four types of such illogical fears: fear of animals (snakes, dogs, etc.), fear of the environment (fear of heights, fear of water, etc.), fear of events (fear of flying, fear of traveling etc.) and fear of blood (fear of injuries, fear of syringes and needles, diseases, etc.). But if you are suffering from one of the above-mentioned fears and/or know someone who is, read on and discover the ways of dealing with them.
It isn’t easy making a significant change in our lives, but it is important to remember that at the point where you want to think, do or feel otherwise, you are at the beginning of the recognition process that you need diversity because you understand that something needs to change. What this means is that you not only need to understand that change is needed but also to feel and realize that it is in your own hands.
Take two weeks and decide that you will not let negative thoughts run through your mind by adopting a weekly mantra that will accompany you, such as "I can handle situations that scare me." Chances are that negative thoughts will arise over the course of these two weeks, but realize that this may happen and don’t question yourself because it is a step backward in the process.
A lot of people will probably say that it will be very difficult to make such a change or that it is just too much for them and will knock the process before even trying. Every thought and statement of this kind sucks the power to succeed and gives it the fear that grows. So, choose the words you use well as thoughts create reality; "I remember when I achieved “blank” and it reminds me that I'm much stronger and more capable of dealing with difficulties than I think."
The only person who can control what you think is you! True, sometimes we let other people influence our thoughts, and although they have a lot of influence, we are the ones who will decide how much weight their words bear. Ask yourself: Can you understand that you have the right to think and feel what you want right now? Obviously, it's in your hands, so be sure you don’t choose to feel pain, fear or stress.
In addition, when you are afraid of something irrational, you tend to overestimate how bad it is and how hard it will be to deal with it - you don’t value yourself enough! This exaggerated assessment stems from the fears themselves and we can divide our thoughts into three kinds:
(1) Predictive thoughts - "I will make a fool of myself in front of everyone", "I am sure I’ll faint during the dental treatment."
(2) Inclusive thoughts - "This dog was aggressive, so all dogs are dangerous," "Once I fainted during while getting a shot, I won’t be able to get shots in the future without fainting."
(3) Tragic thoughts - "The captain said we are experiencing technical difficulties and air pockets, the plane is going to crash!", "That cat bit me, he probably has rabies, I'm going to die."
Once you understand that there is a thought that is pressing you, you can begin to appreciate it by asking the following questions: "Is there evidence that contradicts my thought?", "Is there anything I can do if and when something like this happens?" "What type of thought am I having?” "What would I say to a friend who was also afraid of that fear?” Take a few minutes to answer them, because after you do, the chance that you’ll be able to confront your irrational fear will be much higher.
Another way to deal with irrational fears is to use physical props and reminders to help us get control over frightening situations. For example, for a senior manager who has stage fright, but is able to conduct a telephone conference with more than 100 people, the recommendation is that the moment he is about to speak to people he should imagine that the microphone is actually a phone, thus making the challenge a lot easier. This is an example of an external reminder that we can use to remind ourselves that we are great and capable of dealing with our illogical fears.
In addition to external reminders and physical accessories, music, smells and even the environment itself can greatly influence our feelings and help us deal with our irrational fears. Make a music playlist that makes you feel good and ready for anything that happens on your way. In addition, try using aromatherapy oils to be flooded with scents that will help you feel positive and energized. You can also design your work environment and fill it with items that you like. All these small changes are external to emotions, but affect us considerably, and with them we will feel the intensification of positive emotions and energy start to fill us.
Our irrational fears make us afraid to ask for help, but the fact is that we all need people to support us. While it is hard for us to tell others about these fears, if we share them with a close friend, co-worker, or partner, we will create another tool to use in the face of fear. You can also ask that person to be part of the toolkit you are currently putting together so that they know what you need and how they can help you in the best possible way. It is important to emphasize that it is not a weakness to tell people about your fears, it takes great courage and emotional strength to admit and say "I have this fear and I want you to help me deal with it."
Most importantly, instead of focusing on what you have failed or when the fear has enveloped and paralyzed you, try to concentrate and remember what you have achieved. It may be a moment in the past when you were able to deal with your fears or even if you’ve succeeded in overcoming your sense of worry and stress; these are two positive things you have achieved by yourself. When you remember these little successes, you will begin to feel much better and you will understand that you have succeeded in the past, and therefore, you can deal with it in the future. Try to remember small moments in which you were able to stand up to your irrational fear and not let it control your emotions. Such actions are a great way to deal with these fears even if they arise again in the future.
The desire to avoid events or things that frighten us is very natural. While this evasion is good for the short term, it prevents us from learning that our irrational fears are not as frightening as we think. If we continue to evade our fears and not confront them, they will only grow stronger and affect us and our brains. The best and most effective way to overcome and deal with irrational fears is to expose ourselves slowly to them in safe stages that we control. As the process of exposure progresses, you will find that the fears are losing their power and you will begin to realize that the worst of all just isn’t going to happen. Another important thing is to know how to start with situations you can handle and build up from there, in order to gain confidence that will help you climb the "Ladder of Fear".
For you to successfully climb the ladder of fear, you must go through four stages: In the first stage, you need to write a list of situations related to your fear. For example, if you're afraid of flying then booking airline tickets, packing luggage, traveling to an airport, etc. can be part of the events on your list. Then, in the second stage, you need to crest a “Ladder of Fear” by arranging the list of situations/events from the least frightening to the most frightening (the first situation should be stressful but not one that will make you freeze).
Another option is to put your final goal at the end of the ladder and then pave the way to get to it from the bottom up. After you’ve built your ladder, in the third stage you have to climb it without moving forward until you feel uncomfortable dealing with the current stage. Try to stay at that stage for a while, the longer you expose yourself to the same situation, the faster you will get used to it and feel less fearful the next time you have to confront it. Then, in the last step you have to practice the ladder again and again, the more you practice, the faster your progress toward overcoming irrational fears will be. Above all, don’t rush, everyone has his/her own pace so it is important to keep one that suits you.
