At some point, we realize that a good life sometimes includes a bit of pain, and unfortunately, there are countless types of pain. There’s the small pain when we leave something behind, and there’s the big pain when all our grand plans fail. There’s the sharp pain when we make mistakes, and the nagging pain of success that doesn’t bring the joy we expected.
Yet alongside this, there’s also a gentle tingling that runs through your body when you're in the perfect moments of life; when achieving something great, experiencing joy and laughter. We know that moment won’t last forever, but it will remain forever. We all feel pain from time to time, and if someone asks us, “What happened?” we’ll say we just had a bad day. But only the dead feel no pain, and with the following 12 tips, you’ll learn how to turn it into a source of strength and wisdom.
Emotional pain is less dramatic than physical pain, at least to an outside observer, but it is more common and harder to treat than a broken bone. Your attempts to hide emotional pain increase the burden it creates. Don’t do that to yourself. It’s easier to say “I have a headache” than “my heart hurts,” but that doesn’t mean you should treat emotional pain any less—quite the opposite.
When you realize that nothing in this world “belongs” to you exclusively, and you agree to let go of the things you once considered “yours,” you will suddenly feel free. However, one of the hardest things in life is learning to let go—whether it’s possessiveness, obsession, anger, love, or loss. Change is not easy—we fight to hold onto what’s ours and wrestle with ourselves to let go, but letting go is healthy for your journey forward. It clears your mind of the past you’ve been clinging to. You need to emotionally release things that once held great meaning to you so you can move on through the change and the pain it brings with it.
You are a living, breathing human being made up of many things, not just your problems. This means you are stronger than your problems and have the ability to change them and how you feel about them. Look at your life objectively from the outside and analyze the size of your problem without considering your personal emotions. Once you understand its real size, it will be much easier to see how simple it is compared to what you thought, and it will cause you much less pain.
Ask yourself, “What is this situation trying to teach me?” Every situation in life is a lesson we can and should learn from. Some of these lessons strengthen and toughen us, help us communicate more clearly, teach us to trust our instincts, and show us when to forgive and when to let go. Remember, new things aren’t tried, new things are learned.
If you ask yourself negative questions, you’ll get negative answers. There is no positive answer to “Why is this happening to me?”, “Why didn’t I do it differently?”, or “What if I had done it differently?” Would you let someone else ask you such discouraging questions? Replace them with positive questions that propel you forward, such as “What can I do now to fix the situation?” or “What can I do to improve?”
A large part of your life is the result of the choices you’ve made. If you don’t like part of your life, it’s probably time to change how you make decisions. This change might not be easy, but it’s entirely possible. We create habits that stall our lives on a daily basis, and to get rid of them, we need to do exactly the same thing, but in the opposite direction. You need to create a habit that will propel your life forward. Focus on the small things you can do and change now, not on the big things you can’t do and change. These daily changes will eventually add up and turn into a big result.
Winston Churchill once said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” In other words, never give up. The walls we encounter in life are there for a reason. They’re not there for you to stop and suffer the pain; they’re there to provide an opportunity to see and show how badly you want your goal. These walls are not there for you; their purpose is to filter out everyone who doesn’t truly want that goal and isn’t as strong as you.
A realist sees reality as concrete, while an optimist sees reality as clay. Be optimistic and mold the “clay” your way. Take what you’ve learned from life and build something new for yourself. In other words, don’t look for the difficulties in the opportunities that come your way; instead, try to find the opportunities in the difficulties. Remember, there’s always time for victory celebrations, and if you slow down a bit and celebrate the small victories along the way, you’ll give yourself momentum and inspiration to keep going.
There’s a Tibetan saying: “You must use tragedy as a source of strength.” No matter what hardship you face or how painful the experience, once you lose hope, you have put yourself in true tragedy. Whether it’s a loss, worry, illness, or a shattered dream—no matter how deep the pain or how high your aspirations—do yourself a favor and at least once a day, place your hand on your heart and say out loud, “I still have hope!”
A restless night after losing a loved one, difficulty returning to routine after a severe disappointment, feeling less important because someone hurt you, fear of trying new things for fear of failure… none of these mean you’re losing your mind or not functioning—they just mean you’re human and need a little time with yourself. You are not truly alone. No matter how embarrassed or miserable you feel, remember there are others around the world experiencing exactly the same things. When you hear yourself saying, “I’m lonely,” you are selling yourself a lie you’ve convinced yourself of.
What people say and do to you is more about them than it is about you. Others' reactions come from their own perspectives, which include their past wounds and personal life experiences. Whether someone thinks you’re amazing or believes you’re terrible, that thought comes more from them than from you. Of course, this doesn’t mean you should ignore all the feedback you receive. But it’s healthier for your mental state to give less weight to what people say about you—whether good or bad—and to act based on your personal intuition and life wisdom.
You are not who you used to be, and that’s okay. You’ve been hurt, endured pain, and gone through countless ups and downs that have shaped you into who you are today. Over the years, many things have happened—things that changed how you view life, things that taught you important life lessons, and things that forced your soul to grow. As time passes, no one stays the same, and some people will tell you that you’ve changed. Respond to them by saying, “Of course I’ve changed, that’s the essence of life. I’m still the same person, just more experienced because of everything I’ve been through.”
Remember that strength doesn’t come from comfort, but from stepping out of your comfort zone and overcoming the challenges you never thought you’d pass. When you find yourself in the most painful moments of your life, you are open to the most significant and positive changes you can make. In the end, strong people are those who feel the pain, accept it, learn from it, and fight through it. They turn pain into wisdom and strength.
Image source: Romel, Eddi van W., Alice Popkorn,
