1. Accept the fact that you will never do enough in the eyes of some people
It may be hard to hear and accept, but you must remember this important fact: if your goal is to please everyone, you are doomed to fail. Even if you act in the most correct way possible, there will always be people with a different perspective who see things differently.
Whether it's friends, family members, or even strangers, everyone has his or her own opinions about what's right and what's wrong. This also applies to our opinions about success and happiness, and each of us has different values that suit our character. Nothing in the world is perfect, and if you try to be perfect in the eyes of others, you will definitely fail, so don't let it bother you too much.
2. Analyze your behavior
Sometimes you need to take a step back and look at yourself from the outside - ask why you behave in a certain way, where your fear comes from, what causes your anxiety, and why. If necessary, consult a professional therapist to help you do this, or write these questions down and try to answer them yourself - it helps!
The paralyzing fear of disappointing others is normal, but it's not an inherent trait you can't overcome, and the way you feel and think is more related to what's happening in your mind than to anything else. Once you resolve these issues with yourself, you can get rid of the heavy burden on your shoulders that demands pleasing the people who matter to you on one hand, but on the other hand, arouses fear in you.
3. Set boundaries with others
If you feel that you need to please everyone, one of the most important steps for you is to set boundaries with others; don’t let anyone mistake your kindness for weakness. While there is nothing wrong with helping others and wanting the people around you to be happy, if you are eager to help everyone to the point where you are being taken advantage of and it’s hurting you, you need to take control of the situation and learn how to say "no" when necessary. You have nothing to feel bad about. The person you say "no" to might be disappointed, but it's necessary for your own well-being. Otherwise, you'll end up disappointed in yourself.
4. Don’t take others' reactions to heart
The way people react to our words and actions is often not related to us, but to their own mind and the things they are going through in their lives. For example, if a friend invites you to an event and you’re afraid to say "no," it’s because you don't want to disappoint them. Perhaps you've experienced a negative reaction before, and you're worried this person might react the same way they did last time, but you need to remember that it’s not about you.
It’s possible that the person simply made certain plans and is now upset that they fell through, but that doesn’t mean they’re angry with you- they're angry that their plans didn’t work out, and their plans are not your responsibility. Additionally, you can’t expect someone else to jump for joy when you give them an answer they don’t want to hear, so it’s clear that their reaction will be negative, even if they don't show anger and only express mild sadness. Don’t try to overanalyze people’s reactions to you, instead, base your actions on your own values and needs.
5. Reevaluate your values
If you want to get rid of the fear of disappointing others, you first need to understand exactly who you are and what your values are. This isn’t as easy as it sounds, and it takes time to do such an analysis because we are never standing still, but always changing, growing, and maturing. However, it’s important to do this and understand what we want from ourselves and from the world. You'll likely discover that pleasing others at your own expense isn't truly necessary, which can help alleviate the pressure you feel.
6. Be the person who appreciates you
Before you even seek approval from others for your actions, you must be able to appreciate yourself. This will naturally lead to you feeling more empowered. Often, we don’t actually fear disappointing others as much as we think we do; rather, we fear disappointing ourselves. We worry about not providing support to others and feel guilty, but this doesn’t benefit us at all. To get rid of the fear of disappointing others, you need to first remember all the things you do for them and give yourself a pat on the back for that.
