Why do we build emotional walls in our relationships?
These walls are a defense mechanism that works subconsciously. They were established as a reaction to an adverse experience. They create habits that aim to prevent you from being harmed again, but they are not always beneficial to you. In other words, emotional walls are a mechanism of the brain to deal with stress and pain, but they are not necessarily a healthy way to do so.
The tactics of procrastination, feigning ignorance, and projecting personal issues onto others are all part of the barriers that individuals build around themselves, which ultimately damage their marriage. Although these tactics may have worked in the past, they are no longer beneficial. The emergence of these walls in a marriage is often triggered by family events reminiscent of the ones that led to their creation. To overcome these walls, individuals must be vulnerable, trust others again, and break down their emotional barriers. The need to break these walls is apparent when any slight disturbance causes a harsh reaction or a withdrawal into oneself, sending a message to one's partner that they are not welcome.
Why should this wall come down?
In case you are still unconvinced about the uselessness of these walls, breaking them down can have some positive effects, such as:
1. Emotional healing
The walls were built to contain your emotions, but once they are released, you can start healing them. Even if it seemed impossible before, breaking down the walls can help you connect with your feelings and experience a new level of emotional awareness. If you continue to suppress your emotions, it will only lead to stress and negative feelings. Therefore, it is essential to let go of your pain and connect with your emotions.
2. Gaining new perspectives
Your walls also affect your perspective on life and determine which things you will be more open to and which less. Breaking them is like allowing a puppy that was locked in a cage to come out and play in an open field. The flowers, the butterflies, the birds, and the sun - he absorbs the experiences from a new perspective that is all about freedom and peace. Of course, there are also dangerous bees and wasps, but still, life is richer than it was behind the walls.
3. Communicating better with the environment
Since you will get rid of the fears you had, you will finally be able to be truly attentive to your partner and stop defending yourself. Furthermore, you will want to be more involved in the world and your surroundings in general. This is because you will open up to new points of safety, as we showed in the previous section. This does not mean that you can blindly trust strangers, but you will definitely give others a chance to get to know you properly. In short, all your relationships will improve, not just your marriage.
4. Disconnecting from the past
In addition to keeping you locked up, the walls you build around you keep you in the same place at the same time. No matter how much you try to block the pain, it never goes away. It penetrates the tiny cracks and is always looking for a way to get through the walls you have built. No one wants to be surprised by a nervous breakdown or a midlife crisis. Therefore, it is recommended to take control now, break down the walls and completely free yourself from the past.
5. Reaching a new level of intimacy with your partner
When you break down your walls, you will finally be the true version of who you are. You will no longer have to worry about the dark sides of your character that no one will accept - it will be easier for you to understand that we all have them. The more you flood these parts with light - little by little - you will see that it will help you connect with yourself and your partner, and on an intimate level. This will help you remove the mask that has been on you for a long time.
How do we break emotional walls?
To enhance your married life and overall well-being, it's crucial to dismantle the emotional barriers that no longer serve you.
1. Start by acknowledging and embracing your feelings.
It's vital to identify the exact emotions you're experiencing, such as disappointment or grief, to better manage and alleviate the associated anguish. Just like raising a puppy, the more you understand and train your emotions, the more they'll learn to stay calm.
2. Confide in someone about your journey toward emotional growth
One of the biggest challenges is talking about the process you are working through with others. However, remember that these walls isolate you, so a big part of the process is sharing it with others. We all need help, and you can't do it alone. Even if you don't share the process with your partner, choose a friend or family member you trust. If you need to do it with your partner, and you don't know how you can also go to couples therapy together.
3. Connect to your fear
Even if you feel that you are defending yourself against fear, the walls you built around you stuck you together with him and did not separate you. For example, think about the last time you told your spouse exactly how you felt. Did you refrain from telling a number of things you wanted to tell them just because you were afraid? You may have learned in the past not to trust others, but that has no place with your partner. Start by saying good things, like how much you love them. This way, it will be easier for you to also talk about negative and scary things.
4. Build your story
In order to create an effective narrative, it is important to fully embrace and understand your emotions. By examining your experiences and reactions, you can identify patterns and connect them to form a cohesive story. This process can lead to a shift in perspective and a greater understanding of yourself.
5. Forgive yourself
Lasr but nor least, it is crucial to practice self-forgiveness, as self-criticism can hinder progress and reinforce negative behaviors. Recognizing and learning from mistakes is key to personal growth and overcoming defense mechanisms.
