1. Fight Your Thoughts, Not Your Body
Think for a moment about the last times you laughed wholeheartedly and felt free—those moments when you didn’t think about your body at all. In those moments, you were in the same body you’re in now, yet you managed to be happy because you weren’t focused on your thoughts about it. It’s easy to think the body is the problem, but if you can experience moments of happiness in your body and then later feel terrible in it, the problem likely isn’t your body—it’s your thinking. Of course, if your body isn’t healthy, you should make changes to heal it, but the root of most of the suffering we experience regarding our bodies is mainly tied to the thoughts weighing us down.
This is why some people, whom we might see as having a perfect body, will always claim they’re dissatisfied with it, while others, whom we might label as overweight, feel free and at ease in their bodies. Over the next few weeks, notice the moments of happiness and peace you experience. Then, when you find yourself stuck under the burden of negative thoughts about your body, remind yourself of the reason, which lies in your negative perception rather than the state of your body itself.
2. Accept Your Body as It Is
Many people spend a considerable amount of time trying to change their body shape. There are things we don’t even attempt because we know they won’t succeed—like wishing for a different eye color or smaller feet—but when it comes to things like the shape of our stomach, we rarely accept the current state as it is. Accepting your body as it is means stopping the argument you have with your nature. If you’re overeating or undereating, or avoiding physical activity, you’re probably not in the body you want or could be in, but self-hatred won’t help you achieve it. Self-love, care, and unconditional acceptance, on the other hand, are the things that will help you see it differently.
Imagine welcoming your body as it is and ask yourself what you would gain from it. Of course, there’s no need to neglect it health-wise, but if your goal is to resist your body’s natural state, you might gain more by accepting it unconditionally.
3. Keep a Broader Perspective
For many people, dissatisfaction with their body becomes the center of their lives and harms their peace and relationships. For others, society’s dictated views on beauty might distract them and interfere with their lives. In either case, self-hatred causes people to miss out on what life has to offer, as most of their thoughts are preoccupied with this issue. But the question these people should ask themselves is whether their weight or body shape matters more to them than their health or life itself?
Beyond your body shape, what truly matters to you in life? Imagine that the last month of your life has just begun, and all hopes of changing your body shape are gone—how would you spend your time? What would you think about now? The answers will reveal what matters more to you.
4. Become Your Body’s Best Friend
Our body works tirelessly, performing countless actions that help us live, yet most people forget to thank it, appreciate it, or even ignore or harm it. You should be your body’s best friend, not a bully who abuses it. If you tend to criticize your body and compare it negatively to others, it’s highly recommended that you take a moment to thank it for all the wonderful things it does for you without you even asking.
Say thank you to your body every day. Think about the systems and organs working in it 24 hours a day. Give thanks for the senses of sight, touch, smell, hearing, and taste that you still have, and appreciate them, because these are the most important things your body provides so you can live your life. Help it maintain those senses and all the internal processes working within it, and by doing so, you’ll help yourself live your life as you’re meant to.
5. Check If Self-Hatred Helps You
Self-hatred is like a virus that takes over you and creates many problems. In such a state, you’re vulnerable to additional negative thoughts that will cause issues, distancing you from healing the situation that started it all—self-hatred. This feeling makes us think it’s what will motivate us to help ourselves and give us drive, but if self-hatred truly helped us lose weight, most people would become thin overnight.
Ask yourself: If the self-hatred you’re suffering from helps you feel better, why don’t you feel better already? Try to see if self-love and honesty might motivate you more. Treat yourself the way you would treat a beloved child, and nurture positive feelings instead of negative ones.
6. Challenge the Idea That Thin People Are Happier
The diet industry relies on the myth that thin people are happier, but think about it: Do you know thin people who aren’t happy all the time? Do you know fuller people who are satisfied with their lives most of the time? The answer to both questions is probably “yes.” The idea that thinness provides happiness is challenged every day by someone who lost weight through a diet and gained it all back shortly after, which happens to at least some people who’ve been on diets. If thinness provided happiness, those who lost their excess weight would live happily ever after. People can be happy or disappointed in any body size, and your happiness depends far more on your relationship with yourself than on anything else.
Can you find something in your life that brings you happiness right now and isn’t related to your body shape? Can you see that, at the basic level of life, we’re all essentially similar? We all fear certain things, we all want love, we’re all here temporarily, we all have problems, and we all experience good and bad times. The next time you compare yourself to someone thinner or more muscular, tell yourself you’re just making up a story about their happiness and that, in reality, you have no idea what’s going on in their mind.
7. Remember: The First Thought Is Theirs, the Second Is Yours
We’re not always responsible for the thoughts that come into our heads from external sources, and it’s not our fault that we were born into a culture obsessed with appearance, thinness, and perfection. When painful thoughts about your body pop into your head, it’s not your fault; no one thinks to themselves, “In 5 minutes, I’ll compare myself to someone else, think I’m fat, and feel terrible all afternoon as a result.” Negative thoughts about our body shape come automatically when we’re unprepared for them, but you can improve your ability to catch and recognize them, and that’s your responsibility. You may not be able to avoid negative thoughts entirely, but you can be the one who decides what to do with them once they arrive, thanks to your awareness.
Notice the negative thoughts that arise in your mind about your body, and when you catch one, praise yourself for it. Then, try to refute that thought by disagreeing with it or erasing it from your mind. Remind yourself that if those thoughts were helping you, they should have made you feel better by now—but the fact is, they haven’t.
8. Distinguish Between Self-Image and Body Image
Healthy people have an identity made up of many things. For example, their identity might be based on being kind, good, and loved, depending on what they know or think about themselves. Some people will value more their roles as parents, students, or good friends, or their talents, hobbies, interests, and passions. There are many things that build a person’s identity and can contribute to a sense of worth. Beyond all that, we all have a body we need to care for and live in. When a person suffers from a poor body image, they often won’t feel satisfied with themselves and will try to cling to thinness as a goal they must achieve. That person’s self-image and body image get tangled up, leading them to think their identity is only good as long as their appearance is good.
Think about all the things that are special and valuable about you that have nothing to do with your appearance. Imagine how you’d feel if you knew you were good enough just as you are. Don’t let your self-image get tangled up with your body image—your body doesn’t make you a better or worse person or more or less successful.
