Instead of escalating into a shouting match or shutting down completely, approaching arguments with a few mindful techniques can foster understanding and strengthen bonds. It's not just about getting your point across, but also about listening, empathizing, and finding common ground. By understanding common pitfalls and implementing effective strategies, you can navigate disagreements with grace and preserve your relationships.
Here are some tips to ensure your arguments are not only healthier but also more productive and respectful.
1. Always use a calm, clear voice
A calm and clear voice is essential for effective communication during an argument. Speaking calmly helps ensure your message is heard and understood.
Although disagreements are inevitable during an argument, maintaining composure will allow the conversation to proceed more productively. Clearly expressing your viewpoint without unnecessary emotional outbursts is also crucial.
To ease tension and improve understanding, try using humor to lighten the mood.
2. Don’t try to “win” an argument
Arguments are often seen as battles to be won, but this mindset can harm relationships. Instead, our focus should be on finding common ground. Effective communication involves understanding each other's perspectives rather than focusing on being right. Therefore, listening actively and understanding the other person's point of view is important. When we prioritize winning, we risk damaging trust and creating resentment. Approaching disagreements with empathy and a willingness to compromise can strengthen your relationships and help find resolutions that work for everyone involved.
3. Approach arguments with humility
We often overestimate our ability to reason effectively. Famous American philosopher Charles Sanders Peirce noted this tendency, and observed in 1877: ‘Few persons care to study logic, because everybody conceives himself to be proficient enough in the art of reasoning already.’ This overconfidence in our logical abilities can hinder our ability to identify flaws in our arguments. To overcome this, engaging in open dialogue with others can help us recognize our own blind spots.
4. Try and understand the alternative view in addition to your own
To argue effectively, you must grasp both your perspective and your opponent's. Understand your core argument, why you believe it, and how to explain it clearly. Equally important is to understand your opponent's perspective. Instead of dismissing their viewpoint, seek to understand their reasoning. Engage in respectful dialogue, seeking common ground while acknowledging differences. This approach promotes constructive conversations and enhances the likelihood of reaching a mutual understanding and respectful exchange of ideas.
5. Focus on arguing justly
Arguments should be approached as opportunities for growth and understanding, rather than competitions to be won. Tactics like deception or distortion can be harmful to relationships and hinder effective communication. The goal should be to foster mutual respect and work towards a resolution that benefits both parties involved. It's essential to remember that the aim of a disagreement is not to emerge victorious, but to strengthen the relationship through open and honest dialogue.
6. Take a pause if you feel you are about to blurt out something hurtful
It's natural for emotions to influence our words in the heat of an argument. Nonetheless, giving ourselves a brief pause can effectively prevent the situation from getting out of hand. This pause provides us with the opportunity to collect our thoughts and address the issue with a clearer mindset. Most importantly, it enables us to communicate our concerns more effectively, increasing the chances of being understood.
7. Use "I" statements to express feelings rather than "you" phrases
In the heat of an argument, it's common to point fingers and criticize the other person, which can escalate tensions. Rather than resorting to blame, try using "I" statements to communicate your feelings. For instance, expressing "I feel hurt when..." instead of "You always..." allows you to focus on your emotions and experiences, and makes it less likely to put the other person on the defensive. This approach paves the way for a more empathetic and constructive conversation, as the other person can better understand your perspective without feeling attacked.
8. Follow up after the argument
After an argument, it's important to take the time to connect with each other to make sure that both of you feel acknowledged and understood. This doesn't involve rehashing the argument, but rather reaching out to see how the other person is doing. You can say something like, "I just wanted to check in and make sure we're okay after our conversation." This step is vital for rebuilding trust and making sure that any lingering emotions are recognized. It shows a dedication to nurturing a strong relationship and shows that you value the other person's emotional state.
