What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
Keep calm and carrot on.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Time to celery-brate.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
Everybody romaine calm.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
I think therefore I yam.
I yam what I yam.
I hope for world peas.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
I love you from my head tomato
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
What a spud muffin.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
This foundation is rock salad.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
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