Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
If your imagination hits peak high and you combine a toadstool and a suitcase, you won’t have mushroom for your vacation clothes.
What plant do both Spaniards and French agree is the best?
Seaweed.
Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
What did the snowman eat?
Icebergs with chilli sauce.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
A team of mushrooms was playing basketball against a team of cabbages. The mushrooms won. Everyone cheered for the champignons.
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?
A snowball!
What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?
Cold cash!
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
What tree is bought the most at the plant store?
The poplar tree
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
What did the cactus wear with their suit?
A cactie.
What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-ass.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
What did the teacher say when he sent the naughty student out of the (mush)room? - You’re in big truffle young man!
Why are coyotes howling in the night?
Because they can only see the cactuses in the day.
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
What did the flower do when she was challenged?
Rose to the occasion.
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
How do you know you’re in love with a flower?
Not a daisy goes by where you don’t think of them.
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
The only way the mushroom could think of decorating his house was with toadstools.
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
I always invite the mushroom to my party because he is such a fun-guy.
Why did Frosty the snowman want a divorce?
Because he thought his wife was a flake.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A snowmobile!
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
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