What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
Why are coyotes howling in the night?
Because they can only see the cactuses in the day.
Why are plants the best chefs?
They’re succulent.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
What was the conversation like at the dinner party with all the boring flowers?
Like pollen teeth.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
What plant do both Spaniards and French agree is the best?
Seaweed.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
The only way the mushroom could think of decorating his house was with toadstools.
What does a flower say when they’re surprised?
What in carnation!
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
What do you call a giant mushroom? Hu-fungus.
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
What does the youngest flower child say?
Last bud not least!
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
Did you hear about the flower who joined Tinder?
He just wants somebudy to love.
What does a flower do when they get caught in a lie?
Backpetal.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A snowmobile!
What did the flower say when he saw his date?
I think you’re dandy, and I’m not lion!
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A Puddle.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
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