I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
How do you know if there’s a snowman in your bed?
You wake up wet!
What do you call flowers who are bffs?
Buds.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
Why did the frog lose his job on the mushroom farm? He stole the toads-tool.
The only way the mushroom could think of decorating his house was with toadstools.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
Why is it impossible to have a balanced conversation with a female mushroom? - Because shiitake too much!
What do you call a gangsta snowman?
Froze-T.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
What sort of cakes do snowmen like?
The ones with thick icing!
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
What type of diet did the snowman go on?
The Meltdown Diet.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
I was thinking about using a mushroom to poison someone. My morel stopped me.
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
What do you call a grandpa flower?
Poppy.
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
Have you ever heard of mushroom cars? Well, they have an interesting sound which goes line shroom shroom!
Why did the lettuce and the mushroom break up? The lettuce was pretty but the mushroom did not have much room for her in his life.
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
A plant is fine, a shrub is fine, but tree's a crowd.
Whats a bad flower pick-up line?
Lets put our tulips together?
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
Who did Prince Mushroom fall in love with at the royal ball? - Chanterella!
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
It's a Cemer Tree.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
Did you hear about the flower who joined Tinder?
He just wants somebudy to love.
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
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