What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
Do you know what would happen when you throw a Finnish sailor into the ocean?
Helsinki.
I wanted to be a professional fortune-teller but I wasn't very good at it. I could only predict when there would be bad winter storms. Well, turns out I had been using a snow globe.
What does a spy do in the rain?
He goes undercover.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
What do plants and homies have in common?
I love watching them grow.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
What did the gold say to the pyrite?
You’re a fool and a fake!
Where do meteorologists like to drink after work?
The closest ISOBAR.
My Dermatologist was fired today...
He made too many rash decisions.
How can you tell that the ocean is friendly? It waves!
Why did the cow go to space?
to get ice cream.
What do you call someone with Yellow hair on the beach?
A beach blond.
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite game?
A: Twister
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
As the storm was brewing, the madman raised his hands and cried, "Hail Storms! Long may they rain!"
What does a ghost wear when it’s raining outside?
Boooooooooooots.
I'm reading a book called "The Yellow River"
It's written by I.P. Freely
What did the beaver say after she slipped in water?
Dam it.
The shrubs were gearing up for a fight with the grass, but they never saw the blades come in.
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
There are two reasons why you should never drink toilet water.
Number one. And number two.
The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.
It was used as grounds for dismissal.
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel.
A man once said when is Monday coming? His wife said Mon-soon.
There was news of a snowstorm. It arrived white on time.
Last week, I met someone who specialized in the studies of shrubs and grasses. He called himself Neil De-grass-y Tyson!
Water you doing?
What do you get if you come fourth in the National Weatherman Awards? A precipitation trophy.
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
There was a rebellious lightning bolt who ended up in juvenile hall.
His parents grounded him so he struck them.
I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.
They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
Whenever I hear folksy stories about the hills, I can never get over them.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
The book on Mount Everest was super interesting because it had so many cliffhangers.
Whale, hello there.
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
I got fired from my job as a train operator and my job as a lightning rod.
I guess I'm just a bad conductor.
My boss has just fired me for making too many Asian jokes.
Oh well!! That's the end of my Korea.
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
You should dress up warm in the Andes. That place is Chile.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
It’s raining cats and dogs outside.
I think I just stepped in a poodle.
I read a bunch of news articles dealing with lightning strikes recently.
I'm trying to keep myself knowledgeable about current events.
What's the wind's favourite colour?
Blew
What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather.
I heard that burglars used grass to pick a lock and gain entry to a local house, but the evidence may have been planted.
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