The other day I put out a big dangerous open fire!
The other people on the hot air balloon didn't appreciate me for some reason.
My glasses fogged up once I came out of the AC room last summer, but I was okay because I was opti-mistic.
What happens when you go to the beach in hell?
You get a SaTan.
My boss fired me.
"Why?" I asked.
He said, "You always question authority."
"How?"
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
Fancy a climb? Mount me in.
The shrubs were gearing up for a fight with the grass, but they never saw the blades come in.
How could the skeleton tell that rain was coming?
He could feel it in his bones.
In what state is the Amazon River? It is in the liquid state.
I'm going to discuss global warming on Sunday at a debate. It's a very heated topic.
What is the the chemical formulation for candy molecules? Carbon, Holmium, Cobalt, Lanthanum, Tellerium—or ChoCoLaTe.
Why do you never see owls being affectionate in the rain? It's too wet to woo.
Rain doesn’t fall. Raindrops.
Why does the river never get lost?
She always finds the right pathwave.
Why does the river have problems remembering things?
Because she is becoming sea nile.
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
What should you do if it starts raining cats and dogs?
Please seek shelters.
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
It's ok to be negative if you find yourself in a thunderstorm.
You probably won't get struck by lightning.
Mom told son to clean his room. But instead, he set it on fire.
It was a hot mess
What type of diet did the snowman go on?
The Meltdown Diet.
I really hate rock puns.
My sediments exactly.
I recently got offered a job studying fog but I turned it down.
Looking back, I now think it was a mist opportunity.
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
Why did the leaf go to the doctor?
It was feeling green
What goes up when rain starts to come down?
Umbrellas.
When Smokey died in a forest fire, how did his body get to the cemetery ?
Pallbears.
Why should anyone experiment with thin ice?
It’s the best way to achieve a major breakthrough.
What do you call it when two people make a baby in fog?
A mist conception.
Whenever I hear folksy stories about the hills, I can never get over them.
If your imagination hits peak high and you combine a toadstool and a suitcase, you won’t have mushroom for your vacation clothes.
What do you call water that is good for you?
Well water.
What element comes from Norse mythology? Thorium.
Does all this rain make you want an ark?
I Noah guy.
How did the shark plead in the murder case?
Not gill-ty.
What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?
A snowball!
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.
Why do skeletons hate how wind feels? Because it goes right through them!
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
What did the man say when his wife asked if he remember to get the coffee with icecream inside it?
“Sorry! Affogato!”
What pickup line did the flower use on Tinder?
Are you a DAMNdelion?
What did one raindrop say to the other raindrop?
“My plop is bigger than your plop.”
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
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