Werewolves love similes and metafurs.
How do you talk to giants?
Use big words!
What is the difference between a deer running away and a small witch?
One is a hunted stag and one is a stunted hag!
What do you call a witch's spotless garage?
A broom closet.
A barber, a hairdresser, and Bigfoot walk into a bar...
You know what...I'm gonna shave this joke for another time.
What do you call a bodybuilder skeleton?
A musculoskeleton.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
Why don’t werewolf make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet!
I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining. He just couldn't find a role he could sink his teeth into.
Why do skeletons hate the cold?
It sends chills up their spine.
Why did the werewolf need to talk with the skeleton?
He had a bone to pick with him.
Witches get sore joints because they have broom-atism.
How did the archeologists know the skeletons were real?
They were bone-afide.
What type of art do skeletons like?
Skulltures!
Which building do vampires always visit when in New York?
The Vampire State Building.
What do ghosts and monsters drink after scaring people?
Ghoul-Aid.
What's the similarity between a sailor and a thief?
Both have a phobia for sirens.
What do skeletons say when they set off to sea?
- Bone voyage!
Why did the troll fall back with his army?
He didn't want to be ogre-run by the enemy.
Two ghosts were at a disco. One was having a fa-boo-lous time and the other wanted to boo-gie all night long!
How did the witch invite the wizard to take an evening ride on her broomstick?
Voodoo like to ride with me?
Why do witches only ride their broomsticks at night?
That's the time to sweep.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
Why did Frankenstein turn to solar?
For the free charge.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Quackula.
Within the labyrinthine bureaucracy prowls the deadly Adminotaur.
A vampire can't be a comedian. They just aren't funny, and worst of all they always know they suck.
How do you stop a werewolf attacking you?
Throw a stick and shout “Fetch.”
How does Big Foot find his way through the deepest darkest forests?
He just follows the big footpath!
What is a skeleton’s favorite thing to do with their cell phone?
Take skelfies.
What do you call it when a monster gets mad?
Ogre-reacting!
What did one skeleton say to the other skeleton?
- You’re dead to me.
What happened when Dr. Frankenstein swallowed some uranium?
He got atomic ache.
The ghost was told off when he spook out of turn.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What do you call a witch who drives badly?
A road hag.
What did mother werewolf say to the naughty boy werewolf?
- We're werewolves, not swear-wolves.
Vampires love corny jokes and puns. I don't think they're funny, but it's probably to do with them being pun-dead.
What do you call a cold werewolf?
A chilli dog.
What kind of ghoul has the best hearing?
The eeriest!
Why was the skeleton scared of the baby?
Because he was an ankle biter.
What kind of TV does a skeleton watch?
A skelevision.
What do you call a male witch?
Mitch
What kind of writer did the ghost hire to write his biography? A ghostwriter, duh.
Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
Because vacuum cleaner cords aren’t long enough.
"The Full Moon is a natural furnomenon," said the werewolf.
Why do witches not wear a regular hat?
Because there's no point in it.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
What do skeletons complain about?
Aching bones.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
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