Where does a thrifty Frankenstein get his limbs?
At the second-hand store.
What job did Dracula’s son have on his little league team?
Bat boy!
What goes ‘Cackle, cackle, cackle, bonk’?
A witch laughing her head off.
What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween?
Ghoul-aid!!!
Why did the troll kiss the witch?
To keep her busy in love!
I don’t care if all of the other giants see me as a big joke for filing a restraining order on a guy I’ve got 75 feet on.
Beanstalked is a serious matter.
How do you kill a troll?
Take away its internet access.
What is the Abominable Snowman's favourite type of cup?
A yeti.
Why are vampire families always so close knit?
Because blood is thicker than water.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
Two ghosts were at a disco. One was having a fa-boo-lous time and the other wanted to boo-gie all night long!
What's the slogan for the New York Demon Chomping Advocacy Group?
Gobble the ghoul.
Panda ghosts love to eat bam-boo.
How much does an elephant skeleton weigh?
Skele-tons.
What kind of horse does a ghost ride? A nightmare.
What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?
The centaur of attention.
What is a skeleton’s favorite thing to do with their cell phone?
Take skelfies.
Why did the witch stay in a hotel during her travels?
She heard they had great broom service.
Witch doctors write their prescriptions in curse-ive.
A green ogre came up to me and began saying how stressed he was/
I said, "You're a nervous Shrek."
Why is Frankenstein such good fun?
Because he soon has you in stitches.
Never believe minotaurs...
Half of everything they say is bull.
The best place to search for information about witches is wicca-pedia.
What does the skeleton chef say when he serves you a meal?
- Bone Appetit!
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
What do you call a very active hydra?
Hydradynamic.
What do you get when you cross a goblin, a stop sign, and immortality?
An everlasting gobstopper!
Who brings the monsters their babies?
Frankenstork.
What happened when the ice monster had a furious row with Frankenstein?
He gave him the cold shoulder!
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
Why aren't there more Bigfoot jokes?
There are, but they're really hard to find!
What kind of hat does a skeleton wear at Easter?
A Bone-et.
Where do school-going vampires carry their books?
In bat-packs.
What do you call a werewolf escapologist?
Hairy Houdini.
What’s a werewolve's favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas!
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What do you call an ogre in an accident?
A car Shrek.
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called the SWAT team.
Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It’s a new pill consisting of 50 percent glue and 50 percent aspirin.
Igor: But what is it for?
Dr. Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.
I love making new friends.
That’s why I studied under Dr. Frankenstein.
A vampire can't be a comedian. They just aren't funny, and worst of all they always know they suck.
The best place for a ghost to go on holiday is The Dead Sea.
How did Dr. Frankenstein pay the men who built his monster?
On a piece rate.
What happened when Dr. Frankenstein swallowed some uranium?
He got atomic ache.
What do you call a male witch?
Mitch
How does Frankenstein jump-start his day?
With a shock of lighting.
What do you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman? A dead ringer.
Why did people stop going to the ghoul hospital?
They kept coming out dead!
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
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