Everyone loves my Halloween costume, but I still see room for improvement.
I guess I'm an ogre-achiever.
What should you do when you see Frankenstein walking towards you?
Make a bolt for it.
What was the skeleton’s favorite Christmas candy?
Bone-bone.
What’s a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
Where does a Portuguese skeleton live?
Lis-bone
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius…
But his brother Frank was a monster.
Frankenstein’s monster was really worried one day.
“Pull yourself together”, said Frankenstein.
Where do vampire bats go to take out a loan?
To the blood bank.
What kind of writer did the ghost hire to write his biography? A ghostwriter, duh.
Why was the skeleton a success at work?
He had a head for business.
I asked a vampire if I could borrow some money. He told me he needed to go to the blood bank.
How do you greet a five-headed ghoul?
Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello!
What does the Yeti do when he is tired?
Himalaya down.
Yetis have declared their own independent state in the Himalayas.
It's an abomi-nation.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
Why do vampires eat lentils?
Because they are so into pulses.
What is a witch's favorite makeup?
A ma-scare-a.
What is the Abominable Snowman's favourite type of cup?
A yeti.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
Which musical group did Frankenstein not like at all?
The Village People.
"If you want to pass this point alive, you must answer my riddle: What goes on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon and on three legs in the evening?" the Sphinx asked.
Oedipus pondered for a moment, "Probably one of those new Pokemones," he finally replied. "There is like 600 of them.
"Fair enough man," spoke the Sphinx. "I can't reasonably expect you to remember all their names. You may pass."
Why is the giant afraid of Jack?
Because Jack's beanstalking him.
Why do ghouls like ice cream?
Because it’s ghoulilicous!
What do you call it when Dr. Frankenstein makes tea?
A monstrositea.
Where is the ghost going on holiday the next year? Lake Eerie.
What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
What did Dracula say to the priest who visited his castle?
Don’t you ever cross me!
Within the labyrinthine bureaucracy prowls the deadly Adminotaur.
What does a witch get if she crosses a black cat and a lemon?
A sour puss.
Live to tell the tail.
What did the witch say when the door-to-door broom salesman showed her a vacuum.
I don't want an automatic. I want a stick shift!
Why did the hotel staff dress as witches for Halloween?
Because they provided broom service!
What is a ghoul's favorite soup?
Ghoul-ash.
I feel like I have seen that ghost before...I must have deja boo.
What's the Kraken gonna give you that'll make you laugh uncontrollably?
Ten Tickles!
Who babysits young Bigfoots?
Sasq-watcher.
Dracula really doesn't have any other vampire friends. It's because he's a total pain in the neck.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
How do werewolves stop a video?
They press the paws button.
What kind of dog did Frankenstein want for Christmas?
A lab.
What do ghouls eat for supper? Spooketi
Why does Bigfoot only leave footprints behind?
Sasquatch doesn't litter in the great outdoors.
Big Foot has been spotted throwing tantrums and talking back to his parents.
No wonder they call him the Sassquatch.
Why did the witch stay in a hotel during her travels?
She heard they had great broom service.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What do you call a goblin brigand?
A robgoblin.
What sound do you hear when a Ghost explodes? kaBOOm!
What do you call a goblin with an injured leg?
A hobblin' goblin.
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