A vampire returned a mirror to my shop the other day. It wasn't faulty or anything, he just said he couldn't see himself using it.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
What does the iron-deficient giant say?
- Fi fo fum.
What do you get when you cross a ghoul and a vampire?
A hemogoblin.
How did Frankenstein know Jesus was coming for a visit?
He used his frankincense.
When the ghost family got in their car, the dad ghost told the kids to fasten their sheet-belts.
A boy ghost thought a girl ghost was cute so he asked if she would be his ghoul-friend.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What goes ‘Cackle, cackle, cackle, bonk’?
A witch laughing her head off.
Who's a witch's favorite movie director?
Steven Spellberg.
What’s Frankenstein’s favorite food?
Frankenfurters.
Come witch me to the party.
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
When the ghost blew his nose, lots of boo-gers came out.
What do you call a werewolf with a fever?
A hot dog.
My wife and my friends are sick of my puns about The Abominable Snowman.
Yeti keep cracking them.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
Ghosts drop off their babies at the day-scare centre when they go to work.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
How did the skeleton know the other skeleton was lying?
He could see right through him.
What sound do you hear when a Ghost explodes? kaBOOm!
The vampire decided to eat a throat lozenge. It was the only thing he could think of to stop his coffin fit.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
What do vampires use when baking cakes?
Batter.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
What kind of ghoul has the best hearing?
The eeriest!
I just found out my Husband is a Ghost. I realised the moment he walked through the door.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
What happened to the skeleton who sat by the fire for too long?
He became bone dry.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
He could feel it in his bones.
Where do you find giant snails?
At the end of a giant’s finger.
The best place for a ghost to go on holiday is The Dead Sea.
Who do vampires buy their cookies from? The Ghoul Scouts
How do ghosts take their eggs? Terri-fried.
Why did people stop going to the ghoul hospital?
They kept coming out dead!
What do you call the Frankenstein of the Gardening world?
An A-botan-ation.
Why did the troll fall back with his army?
He didn't want to be ogre-run by the enemy.
If you're wondering if someone's become a vampire, there's an easy way to tell. A true vampire is always coffin.
Why didn’t the lady skeleton wear a bikini?
Because she was big boned.
How did Dr. Frankenstein pay the men who built his monster?
On a piece rate.
Where do werewolf go if their tails fall off?
A re-tail store.
Why do ghouls like ice cream?
Because it’s ghoulilicous!
Why did the werewolf need to talk with the skeleton?
He had a bone to pick with him.
What does a skeleton use to cut through objects?
A shoulder blade.
A vampire broke up with his girlfriend when she had a blood test. He told her she wasn't his type.
Why did the vampire refuse to eat his eggs?
Because they were sunny side up!
Why didn’t the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn’t in it.
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