When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
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