Golf is what you play…
When you’re too out of shape to play softball.
Golf balls are like eggs…
They’re white, they are sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy more.
What is a golfer’s favorite bird?
Any birdie will do.
When your putt lips out, what disease do you have?
Liprocy.
How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb?
FORE!
Golfer: I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.
Caddie: Try heaven. You’ve already moved most of the earth.
Wife: I’m sick and tired of your obsession with golf!
Husband: Why, is it driving a wedge between us?
Where do ghosts play golf?
On a golf corpse.
What do golf and se* have in common?
They’re two things you can enjoy even if you’re bad at both of them.
Why do golfers hate cake?
Because they might get a slice.
When is the course too wet to play golf?
When your golf cart capsizes.
The only problem with golf is...
The slow groups are always in front of you and the fast groups are always behind you.
Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night?
Clubbing.
I’m not a bad putter…
I just can’t catch a break.
What’s the easiest shot in golf?
Your fourth putt.
Golf is a lot like taxes:
You go for the green and wind up in the hole.
What is a golfer’s favorite dance move?
The Bogey.
If you golf on election day…
Be sure to cast an absent-tee ballot.
What is a golfer’s worst nightmare?
The Bogeyman.
Why didn’t the golfer get his homework done?
He wouldn’t stop puttering around.
Why did the golfer need new socks?
Because there was a hole in one.
Golfer: The doctor says I can’t play golf.
Caddie: Oh, he’s played with you, too, eh?
Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course?
He was perfecting his swing
What are a golfer’s favorite flowers?
Fore-get-me-nots.
The game of golf is 90-percent mental…
And 10-percent mental.
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