I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
Have you botany plants lately?
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
You’re unbeleafable.
Trowel and error.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
I’ll never leaf you.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
One more thyme.
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
One trick peony.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
Your good seed for the day.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
Do you need some encourage-mint?
Your good weed for the day.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
How to stop a dog from digging in a garden?
Start right! Never let the dog see you digging... Doggy see doggy do.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
God made rainy days, so gardeners could get the housework done.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
It’s party thyme.
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
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