What does a flower do when they get caught in a lie?
Backpetal.
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
"I'm so egg-cited, I just can't hide it."
If you see a ghost, you should always say, 'How do you boo?'
I told the cowboy to eat salad with his fingers
He said he needed a ranch hand.
Why are parrots the life of the party? Every day is their bird-day!
Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
In the middle of the night yesterday, I dreamt that I was swimming in a sea of oranges only to wake up and realize that it was just a Fanta-sea.
He says to the doctor, "Help me Doc, what's the matter with me?"
The doctor replies, "That's easy. You're not eating properly."
What's as big as a dinosaur but weighs nothing? Her shadow!
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
I killed a spider with soap
He got a clean death.
Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
What did the Wife say to the Husband?
You are exhausting!
Cows that travel alone?
Never herd of them!
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
What's all wet and likes to shake? It's an earthquake on a rainy day.
This year, I've really enjoyed watching 'Planet Earth'.
It's a shame that it only has four seasons.
The wind is following a new workout program. It’s called air conditioning.
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
Computers cannot make good boxers because their bark is worse than their byte.
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
I stopped my phones to the cloud, and I kept getting mist calls.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice?
Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
I red a joke about colors once.
It blue my mind.
Have you ever seen a fish cry?
No, but I’ve seen a whale blubber.
It’s lonely between Germany and Spain
Not many France, nobody’s Nice to me, everyone seems to be Lyon. It’s just Eiffel.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
"Dad, my computer can't find the Wifi printer anymore... I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password."
"Why Bob Marley?" - he asked.
"Because its always jammin"
What did the baby cloud say to its mum when it rained? Sorry, mum, I couldn't hold it any longer.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
What is a cow’s favorite lunch meat?
Bullogna.
What do you call a group of butchers coming together? A meating.
What do you call a father who’s against hand bags?
Antiperspirant.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
What’s black and white, black and white, and black and white?
A penguin rolling down a hill.
How do you know your heart is your biggest fan?
It’s always so pumped for you.
The group of beavers loved the river because it has a really bubbly personality.
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