What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankenstein’s monster?
HERE LIES FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTER. MAY HE REST IN PIECES.
How did the geology student drown?
His grades were below C-level.
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
A lump of red leather, a red leather lump.
When is the course too wet to play golf?
When your golf cart capsizes.
I recently met a musical group of pirates.
They called themselves A-Band-On-Ship.
This is one spray-cation to remember.
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
What did one cheese say to the other during philosophy class?
“I dis a brie.”
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
I saw a beaver and I thought it was odd. Then I saw another semiaquatic creature and I thought it was otter.
I love you berry much.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
How do old witches get good bargains?
They hag-gle.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
Why couldn’t the submarine commander get to the surface after joining Reddit?
He couldn’t get any up-boats
Why did the beaver cross the river? To get to the other side of the river.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club".
How do hot dogs greet each other? They say “give me some skin!”
What is it called when two spies hug?
A bond-ing moment.
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
Why did the penguin cross the road?
To go with the floe!
We pass expectations, set the standards and kill the competition. This is definitely one of the best volleyball puns to use as your team’s motto.
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
What did one cloud of fog say to the other?
I don’t know. It’s a mistery.
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
Why is it impossible to have a balanced conversation with a female mushroom? - Because shiitake too much!
What does a kangaroo do when it gets Covid? Goes to the hop-spittle.
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
We were having lunch with my wife's parents. Her father asked if she and I were still going to a concert later that night. He asked, "Are you guys going out?"
I said, "actually, we're married".
I banged my bike against the wall today. it was wheelie unfortunate.
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
I got a asked to leave karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" seven times in a row. I had exceeded the allowed number of Loggins attempts.
Why did the cat decide to sleep under the car? Because she wanted to wake up oily!
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-
We all have our floss.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
To get down to the nuts and bolts.
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
You must be a defibrillator because you are sending shocks directly to my heart.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
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