What is white and has long ears, whiskers, and sixteen wheels? Two rabbits on Rollerblades!
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
“While I was in the doctor’s waiting room, there was this tiny man, only about six inches tall. Although he was there before me, he let me see the doctor first. I suppose he just had to be a little patient.”
What did the worm say to the other when he was late home? Where in earth have you been.
What does an owl need after having a bath?
A t-owl.
Did you hear about the Irish potato that immigrated?
He became a French fry.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
What happened if vampires came to a big dance?
A bat ball.
What's the best way to avoid eating too many Thanksgiving leftovers? Quit cold turkey.
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
What type of cat will keep your garden looking nice and tidy? A lawn meower.
What type of apartment does a pun live in?
The pun-thouse!
What do you call four Spanish guys in a capsized boat?
Quatro sinko.
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
What do you call a freezing bear?
A brrrrrrr.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
What can you do if you are the ocean?
Watever you want.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth.
New electric trains will run on conductors.
"Say you'll be wine."
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Why did the girl walk into the ice cream store with an umbrella?
She heard there were going to be sprinkles
What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
Duck Tape.
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
Son: I was really Hungary and I ate the whole Turkey. There is only Greece left.
Me: I couldn’t Bolivia!
What did the witch say to people who visited her house?
Come sit for a spell!
Why did the frog lose his job on the mushroom farm? He stole the toads-tool.
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
How did the gorilla know she was poorly? She had a belly ape.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
What did Darth Vader tell the geologist?
May the quartz be with you!
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
I want to create a convention for Irish folks who suffer with leprosy.
I'll call it Leper-Con.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
Why these days, the Moon is up till so late? Don’t worry, it is just going through a phase.
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
We just bought our new dream house. As I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs?" I chuckled and replied, "Sweetie,"
"Stairs don't talk!"
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
I'm always really disappointed when I pull up to a yard sale...
And they aren't willing to sell me any of their yards.
Time fries when you’re having fun!
What do you get if you stand between two llamas?
Llamanated.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
Cassini spacecraft took pictures of both Saturn and Earth. It was literally the best of both worlds.
What is a bear’s favorite soda?
Coca Koala.
Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
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