How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
She wanted to make a fish stick!
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
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