What is a car’s preferred mobile phone brand?
No-Kia.
What do you call unwanted revealing comments about a movie?
Spoilers.
A police officer knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bicycles what rubbish my dog doesn’t even own a bike.
How did cars walk on to Noah’s Ark?
4X4.
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
What did the teacher say when he could not get into his car?
‘Oh no, I have lost my Kias!’
A car carrying bank robbers and a truck carrying cement collided yesterday. Police are now searching for hardened criminals.
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
did you hear the one about the sheep in car wreck?
it was baaad.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
What is a car’s favourite job?
Caretaker.
How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
I banged my bike against the wall today. it was wheelie unfortunate.
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
Which car do sheep drive?
Su-baa-ru.
My race time today was much better than yesterday. I was in a whole different gear.
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
How does a car begin telling you bad news?
‘I hate to brake it to you…’
Why did the submarine driver lose his job
Old, racist tweets resurfaced
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
Ice cream trucks are pretty hardy, but they will break down if they drive over the rocky road.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
I tried to make a wooden submarine.
It didn't go down so well.
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.
Car puns are really tiring
Why did the bus driver take a long break? He needed a wheel-y good rest!
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