What is a car’s preferred mobile phone brand?
No-Kia.
Why did the tricycle not hang out with the bicycles?
It felt like a third wheel
What’s the hardest part about working as a bus driver? Everyone’s talking behind your back.
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?
It remains in neutral.
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’
What do you call a drunk person fumbling with their car keys?
A taxi
Bro, are you a submarine?
Because you're so gnar.
There are more planes under the oceans than there are submarines up in the skies. Let that sink in...
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
I heard someone complain about the bus being too crowded, it was a 'bus-load' of people!
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.
She told me to look below C level.
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
Ice cream trucks are pretty hardy, but they will break down if they drive over the rocky road.
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
What did the teacher say when he could not get into his car?
‘Oh no, I have lost my Kias!’
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
Did you know there were cars in America before Christopher Columbus arrived?
The Cherokees.
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
Read a story about two people who stole cars driving into each other.
Must have been Bonnie and Collide
I once had my identity stolen by a cement truck driver. It took me ages to track him down, but now I have concrete evidence.
did you hear the one about the sheep in car wreck?
it was baaad.
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home
I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead
How do you know a car is a good price?
If it is a Ford-able.
I have a question for people who take the bus...
Are you supposed to give it back?
A silent man walked into a bicycle shop...
He picked up a wheel and spoke.
A police officer knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bicycles what rubbish my dog doesn’t even own a bike.
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
A rect-angle
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
‪My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...‬
‪I hope this will not surface again‬
What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
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