Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
There are more planes under the oceans than there are submarines up in the skies. Let that sink in...
What is a car’s favourite sport?
Soc-car.
What do you call a bus full of smart people?
A Scholarship
What do you call a thriller movie involving cars?
Suspension movie.
What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
What did the computer say to the other after a 16 hour car ride?
"That was a hard drive."
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
A rect-angle
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
What did the bus say to the frog? Hop on.
What do cars play at the weekend?
Golf.
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..
..do you just get exhausted ?
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
did he just bust a move?
Why did the bus driver go to jail? He was 'wheely' breaking the law!
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
What do you call a row of 5 tow trucks?
A foot.
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
I was selling my bike and an interested buyer asked what’s lowest I’d go.
"About 3 mph," I said, "otherwise I’d tip over."
What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
Why did the tricycle not hang out with the bicycles?
It felt like a third wheel
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
I once had my identity stolen by a cement truck driver. It took me ages to track him down, but now I have concrete evidence.
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
What’s the hardest part about working as a bus driver? Everyone’s talking behind your back.
There’s a new movie out called “The Truck.” I’ve seen the trailer, it looks great.
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
Have you heard about the guys who stole a truck full of broccoli and cauliflower? They had to really floret to get away.
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
What do you call unwanted revealing comments about a movie?
Spoilers.
What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?
A drive bike shooting
What is a car’s preferred mobile phone brand?
No-Kia.
A police officer knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bicycles what rubbish my dog doesn’t even own a bike.
How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?
It remains in neutral.
Did you know there were cars in America before Christopher Columbus arrived?
The Cherokees.
Ice cream trucks are pretty hardy, but they will break down if they drive over the rocky road.
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