Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
What did the bus say to the frog? Hop on.
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
What is a car’s favourite colour?
Racing car green.
How do you know a car is a good price?
If it is a Ford-able.
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
A car company tried to make a submarine, but it kept surfacing too quickley
The crew got the Mercedes-Bends
In this day and age of technological breakthroughs, we surely can’t be far from a country song where a guy’s self-driving truck leaves him too.
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
It caused a title wave!
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
49. What does a child car play with?
Toy-otas.
Why did the submarine driver lose his job
Old, racist tweets resurfaced
Why did the tricycle not hang out with the bicycles?
It felt like a third wheel
What are the benefits of city buses using green fuel? They’ll always be on thyme.
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
What color are military submarines?
Deep navy
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
Why didn't the bicycle want to go anywhere?
It was two tired.
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
did he just bust a move?
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
What did the computer say to the other after a 16 hour car ride?
"That was a hard drive."
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
I was midway between the bow and the stern of my 120 foot yacht when suddenly I was surrounded by submarines that just surfaced...
I was amidship man.
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer.
Honda is oldest car make in the world. It was mentioned in the bible!
"And the apostles were all in Accord"
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
Today was a terrible day. First my ex got hit by a bus.
Then I lost my job as a driver.
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
There are more planes under the oceans than there are submarines up in the skies. Let that sink in...
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian
Why did the bus driver take a long break? He needed a wheel-y good rest!
What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?
A drive bike shooting
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
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