I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
That's a Farrah Fawcett.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
Only a**holes use bidets.
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Why don’t Satanic boats ever sink?
Because they’re Unholy.
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
I got tear-free soap in my eye.
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
What did the flirty shower head say?
"Every naked person I see turns me on!"
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
I go through so much shampoo it's just ridiculous!
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Why do perfumes always hang out in pairs?
Because they don't want to get cologne-ly!
How did dinosaurs clean their teeth?
With flossils.
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
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