All farts...are laughing gas.
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...
But I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
Why do perfumes always hang out in pairs?
Because they don't want to get cologne-ly!
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
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