I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have a weird Axe Scent.
This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
Why did the deer get braces?
Because he had buck teeth.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
Said to my husband I'm going to take a hot tub. He said...
"When are you going to put it back?"
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
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