What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
How do sponges talk to the devil?
They use a squeegee board.
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
My job installed this new faucet.
I'm really faucinated by it.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
Only a**holes use bidets.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
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