The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
Lord of the Wrings.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Why did the deer get braces?
Because he had buck teeth.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
How did dinosaurs clean their teeth?
With flossils.
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
That's a Farrah Fawcett.
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
I think it was Scampoo.
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
What did the clean DNA say to the dirty DNA?
Hygiene!
Stayed in a posh hotel with towels so thick I could barely shut my suitcase.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?
Coalgate.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
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