Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.
Did you see that meteor shower?
No, I respect others’ privacy.
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
I go through so much shampoo it's just ridiculous!
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
Here’s my best advice for getting a job in the lotion industry:
Apply daily.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
Only a**holes use bidets.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
Dialysis is a blood bath.
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
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