I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
I just won local "Worst Body Odor Contest".
No one else came close.
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin
but I don't sink sew.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
Only a**holes use bidets.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
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