What do you call a small, two winged insect resembling a mosquito that likes to keep the peace?
A diplognat!
What do you call a penguin in a shell suit?
An egg.
Why do turtles never forget?
Because they have turtle recall.
Why did the bear quit his second job?
Because he needed some koalaty time with his family.
Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because they wouldn't take a bath!
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
You get as far away as possible.
What do you call a cat that works at a printing shop?
A copy cat.
What says “Quick, Quick”?
A duck with the hiccups
What do you get when you mix an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
What do you call it when cephalopods start becoming more strict about things?
Kraken down.
What do you call it when a sloth eats a second plate of food?
Slothy seconds
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
The last ten times I’ve been to a fancy dress party, I’ve gone as a shark.
The joke’s wearing fin.
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club".
What do you call an owl who knows how to do magic tricks?
Hoodini.
What do you call a noisy group of crows?
A caw-cophony!
If you have a line of 100 rabbits in a row and 99 of them take 1 step backwards, what do you have? A receding hare line.
What kind of music do sophisticated frogs listen to?
Hopera.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”
Something’s goat to give.
Why is the snail the strongest animal? Because he carries a house on his back!
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
How do mares keep track of their boyfriends?
A stud book.
Q: What do you call a French guy being mauled by a tiger?
A: Claude.
What do polite whales always say?
You’re whale-come.
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
Whats in a camels favorite cup of tea?
Camelmile
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a cow?
A kanga-moo.
What is a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
How does a kangaroo win a gold medal?
In the long jump.
Who did the goats vote for as president?
Billy Clinton.
What do llamas always say when they introduce themselves?
“Fleeced to meet you.”
Q: What does a tiger call an antelope?
A: Fast food.
A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in Africa. One of the pupils replies, “five zebras and a lion”.
Why do Penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they haven’t got any pockets.
What cheesy dip do deer love to eat?
Fawn-due.
Knock knock!
Who is there?
Beaver
Beaver who?
Be-ware of the turbulent river.
What happens when a hen eats gunpowder?
She lays hand gren-eggs.
I told my parents I wanted to raise goats for a living, but I was only kidding.
Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
Sheep jokes are bad.
Really baaaaaaa-d.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A piiig!
Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
To get down to the nuts and bolts.
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