Turtles communicate with each other through shell phones.
I hate getting into arguments with farmers about the best methods for keeping crows away.
They always resort to straw man arguments.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
What do you call an otter with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
How do bats spend their time?
Flying and hanging out.
What did the owl’s valentine say?
You are hootiful.
Have you ever seen a catfish? No, how did he hold the rod and reel?
What did the cat say when something bad happened? That’s un-fur-tunate!
What’s a hen’s favorite type of movie?
A chick flick.
How many limbs does an alligator have?
It all depends on what he ate for lunch, dinner and breakfast.
Our flamingo colleague was leaving for a new job recently. We all told him to flamingo for it.
I wanted to catch a squirrel but I didn't know how.
So I decided to climb a tree and act like a nut.
I told my wife that I saw a sheep pondering its place in the world.
She asked me, “Can ewe even imagine?”
How do you know you have a tape worm?
It’s comming out of your belly!
My favorite music is by Spandau Croc-quet.
Did you know alligators can grow up to 18 feet?
But most of them only have four!
An otter and an otter are in a car, who's driving? Animal Control
Flamingos are pretty daring birds. They like just about anything, as long as it’s eggs-citing.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
Why are ducks bad drivers?
Their windshields are qwacked.
I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
There’s caws for alarm.
Where do Santa Claus and his deers stop to have a coffee at Christmas?
“Star – Bucks!”
What’s a dolphin’s favorite constellation?
The Big Dipper!
Who dosent eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed.
What separates humans from dolphins?
The surface of the water.
If you see a wasp, don't kill it. Let it bee.
There’s a new dish out; it’s a cross between a cake and a bird. They call it a Flan-ingo.
Why was the doctor’s favorite patient a cat? Because she has nine lives!
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
I am an introvert, but you know how to bring me out of my shell.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
Where does a 500-pound penguin sit?
Anywhere it wants.
A family of beavers were walking across a river. During that time, the dad said to the family: “Dam it.”
What happened to the baby chicken that misbehaved at school?
It was egg-spelled.
Why did the bunny say to the duck? You quack me up!
Why was the horse a great editor?
She was very thorough bred.
What do you get when you cross a Dinosaur and TNT? Dino-mite.
Why did the monkey like the banana?
Because it had appeal.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
Who do elephants get their Christmas presents from?
Elephanta Claus.
Why did the hunter miss his mark?
He was not aiming deerectly for it.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
What soccer position does a pink flamingo play? Flamingoalie.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball!
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
Why don’t rabbits get hot in the summertime? They have hare conditioning!
What do you call a smartass bird of prey?
A know it owl.
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