I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
Q. Why do educated gorillas like the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13?
A. 'Cause they're prime apes.
Why was the Navy Seal sad?
He doesn't like the color blue.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
What do you call a three-eyed tiger?
A tiiiger.
What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A cow walking backwards.
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
What do Chinese bears wear over their faces when they’re robbing banks?
Pandanas!
What steps do you take when you see a tiger running towards you? Big ones!
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
How do you know when a cephalopod has been using your toilet?
Squid marks.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
A wolfswagon rabbit is by far the best car you can gift a wolf.
My wife tried to claim she was a night owl.
She was lying though, because when I tried to turn her head through 270 degrees, her neck snapped.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur A lickalotopis
What did the shark say to the whale?
What are you blubbering about?
What kind of bee makes milk?
A Boobie!
One day I saw a squirrel burying lotto tickets under a large bush, so I asked him what he was doing.
He told me he was hedging his bets.
What's the difference between Cloepatra and King Arthur?
One had Camelot and one had a lot of camels.
Where does a turtle go when it's raining?
A shell-ter.
Where do parrots invest their money?
In the stork market
I just learned how to speak parrot.
I just learned how to speak parrot.
There once was a koala who could run at a speed of more than 800 miles per hour. He was the first koala to break the sound bearier.
Coming to Theaters: The thrilling tale of a man who cooked biographical books like turkey on Thanksgiving.
*Baste on a True Story...*
What's the best way to stuff a turkey? Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
What’s a goat’s favorite TV show?
America’s Goat Talent.
Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because they wouldn't take a bath!
Why would a horse make a good president?
They know how to lead.
Why did the scientist use a drink container to communicate with dolphins?
Because a bottle knows dolphin.
Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What do winged horses attend in school? Pegclasses.
Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
She wanted to make a fish stick!
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws.
What is a grandma sheep called?
A baaaa-nana
Where do you find giant snails? At the end of giants fingers!
Why did the cranberries turn red?
They saw the turkey dressing!
How does a dolphin do cocaine?
With its blow hole.
What's the opposite of an elephant?
An eleph-antonym.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.
Which bird is the most contented? The crow, because he never complains without caws.
What do you call an ant who won’t go away?
Perman-ant.
Every koala supports the idea of being able to defend themselves against tyranny. They believe in having the right to bear claws.
What do you call a small, two winged insect resembling a mosquito that likes to keep the peace?
A diplognat!
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
What's a frog's favorite game?
Croak-et.
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