What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
What do you call an irate kangaroo?
A k-angry-oo.
What do you call a dream when a vampire bat is chasing you?
A bat-mare.
What’s green and pecks on trees?
Woody the Wood Pickle.
Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine… but catscan.
We did not understand what the mother turtle was saying because it was all in ridleys.
What kind of bugs live in clocks? Ticks!
Why didn’t the koala bear get the job? He was underkoalafied. How did he fix this? By going back to koalage.
What do you call a mosquito with a turbo?
A bug-hati.
How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch?
Tea, Rex?
What does the mummy parrot say to her baby? Beak-areful!
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
What is the best thing to do if you notice a gorilla is sitting at your desk?
Find another place to sit.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
Kangaroo: [dials 9-1-1] I can’t find my kids!
9-1-1: Did you check your pockets?
Kangaroo: [pats pouch] Oh… nevermind.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham boogers.
I asked a panda if he was my friend.
He said, “Just bearly”.
I'm giving away a free legless parrot.
No perches necessary.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
What do you call a bee you can't understand? A mumble bee.
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
Why couldn't the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
It was one tough nut to crack.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
Did you know you can fit 30 bananas in a kangaroo’s pouch?
Also, I’m not allowed at the zoo anymore.
What did hear about the two bats meeting?
It was love at first bite!
An electrocuted turtle feels shell-shocked.
What can one parrot do?
Not as much as toucan.
Why are cats such great singers? Because they’re very mewsical
Accidentally ran over a French seal today .
Phoque.
Q: What do tigers and computers have in common?
A: They both have mega bites.
Q. What do you get when you cross a doe with a bull?
A. A deery cow.
Why did the parrot cross the road? Just beak-ause!
What's green with red spots?
A frog with the chicken pox.
If you see a deer without antlers acting crazy, don’t eat it without cooking it first.
Everyone knows you can’t eat raw kooky doe.
What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? They lived hoppily ever after.
What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
What did the snail say as he slipped down the wall? How slime flies!
What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
An elephant's opinion carries a lot of weight.
A flamingo only ever asks for a plaster when it hurts its pinky.
I warned farmer Brown not to pamper that cow too much because it would wind up giving spoiled milk.
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
What do you call a mouse who can pick up a horse? Sir!
What do you call a gorilla wearing headphones?
Anything you'd like, it can't hear you.
What is the name of Santa’s rudest deer?
Rude-olph.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite toy?
A. A bab-boom-orang.
I whisper my sins to crows
So my parents can't hear me confess to a murder
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