What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
Thinking about selling my crab so i could make money. Then I realised "am I really this shellfish"?
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
I asked a beaver out on a date. The beaver replied: “Gnaw.” I said: “Dam.”
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
What did the married deer couple say to each other? I love you deer-ly!
Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because then the kids have to play indoors.
Why did the cat get fined? He was caught littering
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
Who is king of all the mice?
Mouse Tse Tung!
Where do gorillas keep their beehives?
Apeiaries.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
How does spider man always come up with such clever comebacks?
Because with great power, comes great response ability.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies!
Wife: would you get me those two cans from the top shelf?
Me: I don't see any toucans in here.
What do you call a bear with a bad attitude?
The bearer of bad news.
What did the koala write in his Valentine’s Day card to his girlfriend? “I love you-calyptus”.
Why did the blind seal get eaten by the orca?
Because he couldn’t see that whale.
How did the rabbit become a wrestling champion? It had a lot of hare pins!
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite holiday?
A. Ape-ril Fools Day!
What did the dinosaur ask his pet dog when he wanted afternoon tea with him?
Do you want some tea, Rex?
What kind of music do sophisticated frogs listen to?
Hopera.
What is one of the big tiger's most favorite hangout places? A shopping maul.
What is a giraffe’s favorite fruit?
Necktarines.
The public investigated a box full of crows because it was a murder case.
What’s happens to the sportiest horse?
It gets to be first horse-pick of the draft.
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
What did the big stag deer say to the hunter?
“Buck off, man!”
What did the pony say to the Jedi Knight before she left on her adventure?
“May the horse be with you.”
How tall is a spider?
Eight foot.
That romantic cow took his new girlfriend to the moo-vies.
Did you hear about the cat that ate a ball of yarn? She had a litter of mittens.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
It may seem a bit corny but we appreciate you working your tail off for us.
When you swat a mosquito on your arm
Its death is in vein.
What do you call two crows flying together?
An attempted murder
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
What did the pastry cook say when he was making the cake?
Bat-a-cake. Bat-a-cake.
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
You get as far away as possible.
What is a pink bird's favorite kind of dance? Flamenco.
Why did the elephant start the stampede?
Because it wanted to be herd.
Q. What did the mother doe name her new twin babies?
A. Bam B and Bam A.
Why did Jesus ask Judas to crave the turkey?
Beause he knows he likes stabbing others in the back.
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