The inventor of mosquito repellent likely did not know where to begin...
I guess he would have to start from scratch.
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
I can’t decide how to finish this wooden sign telling my parrot that she’s become a member of the Scottish aristocracy
Polyurethane?
What do you call a rabbit that has fleas?
Bugs bunny.
What’s a llama’s favorite movie?
Alpacalypse Now.
Why do people hate bee puns?
Because they don’t want to beelieve they are good
What do Penguins sing on a birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
Why are there old dinosaur bones in the museum? Because they can't afford new ones!
Don’t wait on me to start the meeting. I might be a hare late.
Why didn’t the horse tell her friend she was a thief?
She didn’t want to saddle her with that information.
What did Cinderella Dolphin lose?
Her glass flipper!
If you see a wasp, don't kill it. Let it bee.
How do you plan to shell-ebrate the New Year?
I wanted to catch a squirrel but I didn't know how.
So I decided to climb a tree and act like a nut.
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles were ants.
What’s a goat’s favorite drink?
Goat-arade.
Where do Santa Claus and his deers stop to have a coffee at Christmas?
“Star – Bucks!”
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
Where do horses go to the bathroom?
The bathroom stall-ion.
Does Mr. Otterton listen to Gazelle? Yes he's a rabid fan.
Why did the parrot cross the road? Just beak-ause!
Why would a horse make a good president?
They know how to lead.
Q. Which game do hunters go after first?
A. The nearest and the deerest.
What do chickens study in school?
Eggonomics.
I would rather breed mice than crows
Mischief is one thing, but I don't think I can pull off a murder.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
What did the duck eat for snack?
Salted Quackers.
How can you tell if there is a dinosaur in bed with you? By the `D' on his pajamas.
Have you ever wondered which part of the flamingo has the most feathers? I found out once – turns out it’s the outside.
The scare crow was out standing in his field, so he got awarded as the best employee of the year.
How did the macho bee with eczema feel?
B-Itchy
Q. Whay aren't gorillas afraid of zombies?
A. Because the ape-ocalypse doesn't frighten them.
Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go on in pairs.
Where does a bee use the bathroom?
BP
The farmer called his prize cow a bull-dozer because she was always sound asleep in the fields.
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
Alligators can live up to 100 years…
Which is why there’s a chance that they will see you later.
What’s green and hangs from trees?
Giraffe snot.
What did the squirrel say to its baby before it had to leave?
I'm gonna go out on a limb here.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
What do you call a group of politically similar crows?
A cawcus
What came first, the alligator or the crocodile?
The dinosaur.
What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
Lost.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on that worm this morning. You should have seen it, it looked genuinely crushed.
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