What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
I told my husband that the National Zoo's sloth bear gave birth but ate two of the three babies. He said "now she's guilty of 2 deadly sins: sloth and gluttony."
What do you call an ant who can see into the future?
Clairvoy-ant.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
What do you call a rubber bumper on a yacht?
A shark absorber.
How does a kangaroo win a gold medal?
In the long jump.
Q: What time is it when a tiger walks into the room?
A: Time to get out of the room.
How do whales make a decision?
They flipper coin.
What did the baby deer say to his friend?
“I’m so fawn-d of you!”
How does a crab go when it's right?
"Aw, snap!"
What do you call an eyeless deer?
No-eye-deer.
There is a rule that cats can shed hair on anything in the house… It is called fur-niture for a reason!
What do you call a mouse that doesn't eat, drink, or even walk? A computer mouse.
Why do bee keepers have beautiful eyes?
Because they hold bees. (Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder)
How can you tell which rabbits are getting old? Look for the grey hares.
What’s happens to the sportiest horse?
It gets to be first horse-pick of the draft.
Do you know why the beaver was found guilty?
Because the prosecutor had damming evidence.
What do you call a food stamp inside of a burrito? An otter fortune cookie
Why did the beaver refuse to laugh at any of the twig's jokes? He is not a big fan of dry humor.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
Q: What do tigers and computers have in common?
A: They both have mega bites.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
What do rabbits say before they eat? Lettuce pray.
A well-loved parrot died, and was digitally immortalized in a 3D rendering.
Polygon but not forgotten.
I was riding my bike through the countryside when I was attacked by a herd of sheep!
Fortunately, I was only grazed.
Did you hear about the birds of prey who opened up a resort?
It was for owl seasons.
When a girl saw a sad alligator at the zoo she asked him; hey are you cai-man?
I gave my wife that new gorilla glue chapstick...🦍💄
It left her speechless
How does spider man always come up with such clever comebacks?
Because with great power, comes great response ability.
Why are tigers striped? Because they never want to be spotted.
My wife and I are very competitive, but when it came to flamingo impersonation, I didn't stand a chance
She had a leg up the whole time.
How do you upset a dinosaur? Touchasaurus Spot.
What did the rabbit say to its wife? No bunny compares to you.
What's the best way to stuff a turkey? Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
Why did the dinosaur cross the road ? The chicken hadn't evolved yet!
What do you call a polyarmourus deceased gorilla?
Harembe.
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
What did the Easter bunny say about the Easter parade?It was eggs-cellent.
Why does the paparazzi beaver have a camera pointing towards the river? To keep up with current events and give main-stream updates.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
What do you call a bunny who was raised in a hotel? An inn-grown hare.
Did you hear about the generous and kind deer? She had a hart of gold!
What do you call a 100 year old ant?
An ant-ique.
What do your call a dinosaur with one eye? Eye-saur.
What do you call it when worms take over the world? Global Worming.
Why do horses make good lawyers?
Attention to de-tail.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
You get as far away as possible.
Why did the chicken go to KFC?
He wanted to see a chicken strip.
Why do mice have long tails?
Well, they’d look silly with long hair!
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