How do you draw flies?
With a pencil!
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
My friend’s parrot lost his beak in a fan accident and he wanted to find a prosthetic. I sent him to my Uncle Tony.
He fits the bill.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
Before training its killer dolphins, Iran had to convert them to fishlam.
What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...
What would you rather be, a polar bear or a little otter. A little (h)otter
What does the father deer say to the mother deer to show his love?
“I love you deerly!”
What’s small, furry and slightly purple? A koala holding its breath!
I know a guy who absolutely loves his pet Parrot.
He is Polly-Amorous.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
Why don't crabs give birthday presents?
Because they're just shellfish.
How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head
What is a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple.
What do you call an Arab next to a cow?
Milk Sheikh.
Where do penguins go swimming?
At the South Pool!
What did the squirrel say when his tail got caught in the door?
...It won’t be long now!
What did the father squirrel tell his son?
Acorny joke.
There is nothing impaws-sible if you’re as brave as a tiger!
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
The favourite day of the week for wolves is moonday.
What key has legs and can't open doors? A Turkey.
Q: What do you call a French guy being mauled by a tiger?
A: Claude.
A gang of ravens scared off individual crows and cornered them together. Well, you can say that a conspiracy of ravens preplanned a murder of crows.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
What did the deer say to her daughter?
“Soon you’ll be all doe-n up!”
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
Did you hear about the two bats meeting? It was love at first bite!
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
"Dad, what's it called if I like both boys and girls," the buffalo said.
"I believe would be a bi-son," his father replied.
I entered my pig into a pig race but he pulled a ham string.
What always succeeds? A toothless parrot! (sucks seeds)
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
Waiter, waiter, do you have frog legs?
No, I always walk this way.
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
What type of flooring do alligators have in their homes?
Rep-tiles.
I threw water on a flamingo the other day
Now it's just an O.
Did you heard about the zombie crow? He wants to eat your grains.
Don’t wait on me to start the meeting. I might be a hare late.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.
What do you call people who are obsessed with crocodiles?
Crocophiles.
What do you call an ant that doesn’t sink?
Bouy-ant.
Why was the cat not allowed on the computer? Because she tried to catch the mouse!
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
How can you tell if a crab is drunk?
It walks straight
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
Q: What does a tiger call an antelope?
A: Fast food.
What was the turkey suspected of? Fowl play.
What is a frog's favorite time?
Leap year.
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